True Story Tuesdays... The Tale of the Epic Urinination

I almost forgot this little gem of a story... Lucky day for all of us!
(If you don't like talk about bodily functions you best click that little red x)...

Remember after the summer we took that ridiculously long family road trip...
3000 or so miles, dozens of hotels, five children and my honey... driving for hours!

On that trip we had millions of "are-we-there-yets" and thousands of emergency potty stops.
Near the end there we (as in Tim) was getting a little low in the patience fuel levels.

Eli, our kid who you just don't fool around with on the potty or poop hold-age,  announced in the badlands of Montana that he had to go potty... "rwealllllllll bad!!!" Which typically means if you don't pullover within 15 seconds he will have an accident. He gives us plenty of warning, that one.

Tim was in no mood to pullover, mainly because we had a napping baby who wakes up it you even think about pulling off the interstate, and also because he was feeling a bit peeved that Eli had insisted twenty mile ago at the gas station that he didn't have to go.

Tim said "No, hold it."
I cringed and thought, "I don't think he is aware of this child's bladder issues, and that when he says he has to go... he means it. We can all thank the Lord he doesn't have to poop!"

That is me... Always looking on the bright side.

One golden minute went by.
An even more emphatic demand for a rest stop was implored.
No was the word.
Then crying... (Yeah, we stink as parents, I can't believe they actually allowed us to adopt children.)

Then with great compassion and empathy, the solution came to Tim in the form of an empty lemonade bottle (only men think like that).

It was passed back.
In short order it was filled... and filled... and filled.
Laughing ensued. (I know, really, we were approved to adopt children...)

It was then my wagering streak came out.
I know this child's bladder better than most... Even more than Tim.

He bet the bottle would be 1/3 full.
I scoff.
I say 1/2 for sure... Maybe more.

The lid was screwed on snugly.
Thank goodness!
Then it was triumphantly passed up the corridor of the suburban, from hand to hand, over heads and bodies!!!

It was not, 1/4 full... Oh No.
It was not 1/3 full... Never!
It was not, 1/2 full... Nope.
It was not, 3/4 full... Not even!
It was all but about an 1 inch full...

The bottle was a 20 ounce bottle... I am sure he peed (my mom just cringed as she read that) all but about 1 ounce of it!!!

It has to be a world record.

Elias proved a point that day... you never doubt his need and ability to urinate in epic proportions. When he has to go, he really has to go. And when he goes it is done fully!

Elias took to posing for all pictures like this somewhere in Oregon... A big "Ta-da!!!"

We also had this little story about Eli and urinating too... Here

True Story Tuesday: Really Called "All-the-cute-and-funny-things-my-kids-do-Tuesdays."

Today Addie looked at me seriously and said, "Mom, out of all the summer's we've been at camp, this last one was the most challenging. We had the water issues with the septic, the sicknesses and hurt campers, and the drought... it was really challenging!"
What 7 year old knows about septic tanks... she listens too well!
She was spot on... and all I could do was laugh.
(There is a secret reason this blog is called the name it is....)



Two days ago I got out all our kids winter/snow clothes.
They were all excited.
But Eli found his snow suit, some how it got turned inside out so that the very slippery nylon was on the outside.
First I noticed he was literally slithering around on our concrete floors from one end of the house to the other... over and over. My first thought was, "Is there something wrong with him?"
He stopped that... because I told him to.
Then we renamed his snow suit "the suit of death and disfigurement" when he went to the top of the stairs and (I am sure you know what I will write next) slid down head first.... it didn't end well.



Then yesterday Eli had not had enough "death and disfigurement" so he tied the string of his mini blind around his waist (shall we rejoice it wasn't his neck?) and (I am sure you know what I will write next) jumped off his bed. We are thanking the good Lord and the designing of the blinds (who probably has a son too) who made them have a plastic connection in the middle of the string that breaks off when it gets enough tension... so it doesn't kill the child or pull the whole blind down!!! That is a miracle of modern engineering!



Allan slept in my bed one night this week and our dog Sadie walked into our room, pushing the door open with her nose, and trotted into the bathroom and started lapping up water. Allan was unable to see her. He came running out of the room, obviously terrified! He said, "Mom! I heard some noises! I think it is an invisible man!" Poor boy. Again, all I could do was laugh. He did get a good snuggle and reminders that there is no such thing as invisible men. Blast my sick sense of humor! It is going to give my kids a complex... I am almost sure of it.



Oh and Thea woke up talking in complete sentences... it hasn't been quiet since... but no one can really understand her... bummer. It is like a demanding little dictator yell at us all day long in another language.

True Story Tuesday: Elias and the "Tinky" Mud

While we were on our vacation we did a lot of bike riding. The boys and Addie are training pedal free and the little girls were in the trailer. We rocked!

One day we road to/thru this amazing park in Spokane just a few miles from Tim's parents house. We ate lunch at this sweet little outdoor cafe. We had just got back on our bikes and started home when Elias said he had to go potty. We asked at the cafe where the closest bathroom was and they said their wasn't one so we did what any parent of a 5 year old boy would do... we sent him behind a building in some trees to do his business.

He came back out and said with disgust, "Mom! I have some tinky (stinky) mud on my chaco!"

"Tinky mud?"

My mom radar when off... "Tinky mud" = "poop"!!!

I said, "Buddy, did you go poop, not just potty?" thinking perhaps he needed to go and had some issues... He said no, but I checked him... nope... clean as a whistle. That is good news!

But, wait... if he didn't poop then who or what did???

Mom radar starts blaring!!!!!

If the "tinky mud" didn't come from him where DID it come from???????????

AHHHHH!

My kid stepped in someone else's poop!!!

And by the looks of it it wasn't dog... and it wasn't a healthy human!!! Bummer!

So, what did I do?
What any mom would.
I whipped out the baby wipes and cleaned someone else's poop off my son's foot and shoe...
while my husband looked on gagging, retching and shaking his head in horror.

Then... Elias looked up at me in admiration and said,
"Mom. You are the bestest poop cleaner upper in the whole world!"

Yes, son.
I am!

True Story Tuesdays

Babysitter to Cora: What would you do if you caught the coyote? (We have one roaming around our property).
Cora to a babysitter: I would cook him up and eat him! I would share him with all my friends! I would share him with Jacob and Jenny (the babysitter and her husband) and even Allan and Eli... and God!



Our chickens have been named by the children.
Here is the names of each child's chickens... and they really do go around calling them this... and surprisingly they know who each chicken is (it wasn't like they just made them up to be silly on the moment).

Allan:
Chicken on a Stick (this is a common Ugandan roadside food)
Rocket

Addie:
Sunny
Rosita
Rosie Pig
Clucky II

Elias:
War(t)
Fuzzy Ball

Cora:
Princess Lolly Pop
Just Princess



Recently someone donated a small sail boat to the camp.
Tim asked the kids, "Well all we need to do now is name it... any ideas?"
Immediately Elias piped up and said "I know! We should name it... Big Ol' Floaty!"
So... it is Big Ol' Floaty.



Cora and Thea were sitting snuggling me under a blanket.
Thea sort of pulled the blanket off Cora and Cora sort of scolded Thea saying, "Thea don't take the blanket.
Thea looked at me and said clear as a bell, "Mom! Cora rude me!"
Yeah she is 20 months old.