2017 ~ Christmas Letter

I know. I really haven't written anything since Della was born.
What can I say?
This year has been a hard one.
My time is not my own.

Here's our Christmas letter for the year... it will be a catch up of sorts...

Messy & Beautiful ~ 2017

This seems to be our theme for the year of 2017 … over and over again it’s been the place we’ve found ourselves.  Messy little faces. Life messy and overscheduled. Camp, messy and changing. Messy relationships. A house that’s endlessly messy. The futility of the messy could be maddening if it wasn’t for the juxtaposition of beautiful that glints through the grime.

This old world is endlessly messy. But, through the mess we are better able to observe that God is in the business of making messy things beautiful! This time of year we are reminded of One who came into the messiest of conditions, but came to repair this mess-of-a-world, to wipe away every tear from every eye and make all things new and beautiful! He is the beauty in the mess!

Way back in January, 2017 started off in the most messy and beautiful way possible with labor, great struggles, discouragement and lots of griminess that produced the sweetest of gifts! We were blessed to welcome Della Jane Miller on January 3rd. She weighed in at 8 lbs. 10 oz. and was 19 inches long. Pretty beautiful, right? She has been our great delight this whole year! Her name means “The valley of God’s graciousness” and it’s an apt description of the valley we’ve been walking this year… full of God’s grace even when shadows appear. As we say farewell to 2017 we give our annual report on what happened with those 365 messy days God gave us.  

The Beautiful

Addie > 12 years old  > Events: A highlight for me was being baptized in the camp lake with friend and family around. I enjoyed going to camp and the COLS homeschool session and the relationships I made at both. > New Skills: Learning guitar and getting my own email account. > Thankful For: I’m thankful for getting a new little sister, she’s so little, sweet and loud!

Allan >  11 years old on Christmas Eve  > Events: It was really great this summer to be baptized and to share how I was raised out of death into life. I also really enjoyed going on our church’s men’s camping trip. > New Skills: I’ve learned a lot of skills building our house and I’ve been learning guitar too. > Thankful For: I’m thankful that we have gotten to build our house and how God’s provided that for us!

I know, we were missing one.

Elias > 10  years old > Events: Probably getting baptized was my favorite event. I also liked to meet our new camp staff this summer!  > New Skills: I’ve learned how to be calmer and more thoughtful and I’ve also liked learning to play the guitar. > Thankful For: I’m thankful for my life, getting to be here with everybody, and getting to learn God’s Word.

Cora > 9 years old > Events: I found out I have a type of Epilepsy called Absence Seizures, don’t worry, I’m ok and I’ve learned that God is a good God who’s in control. I was also baptized in the camp lake in June! > New Skill: I learned to perfect my lemon bar recipe, but I tried to make gluten-free ones and it was a disaster! > Thankful For: I am thankful for the friends I made at COLS this year!

Thea > 7 years old January 9th > Events: My favorite event of this year is getting to take music classes and getting to sing! I like to sing! I’ve also grown a lot this year!!! > New Skills: Learning to read and getting to do more school with Maga (Tim’s mom)! > Thankful For: I’m thankful for getting a baby sister to hold! (Notes from mom: Thea’s grown a ton this year and overcome many things. She’s proving to be a superior big sister, kind and loving!)

Whitley > 3 years old > Events: Whitley became a big sister this year! Every day she figures out a new way to get into something. Whit’s the angel-faced kid who’s done all the things no other had the gumption to do! > New Skill: Talking more with her speech therapist’s help! > Thankful For: Paint, sharpie markers, lotion… anything messy. (Whit’s mom is thankful for inescapable pjs that zip up the back, and all the childproofing gadgets that we’ve had to invest in for the first time.)

Della Jane > 1 year old on January 3rd > Events: She was born! She was a week overdue… Mom’s still a little irked about that… but, when she did arrive it was to shouts of joy! It was a good coming! > New Skills: Doing all the wonderful and mundane things babies do! She has 8 people in the world under her chubby little thumb. Her smile is the best. > Thankful For: Milk, all the food and fun siblings to entertain her. We are all thankful for Della’s presence. Having a little one, one more time. She’s unique, new and such a smiley joy-giver!

Marci > So many gray hairs > Events: Had a baby, for the last time … AGAIN (I know, I’m milking that to the end of this letter). Tim and I celebrated our 15th anniversary! The last few years have proven that it DOES only get better. I’ve seen Tim grow and become a grace-filled, imperfect, but self-giving man! Every day I am thankful for how he serves and love our family and those around us. We ended our 7th year of homeschool, I staggered across that finish line so ready to call it and then by August we started our 8th year of homeschool. I was fearful but had renewed perspective and it’s ended up being one of my favorite years thus far! > New Skills: Working on my watercolor and lettering skills… for my wellness! Learned many new skills working on our house. > Thankful For: I’m thankful for my “mother-in-love”, Barbara, who came to stay with us for a month, twice this year to help us, love on us and spoil us! I’m thankful that I am not my own, but belong to God. Endless comfort in that thought!

Tim > Aging finely...says his wife > Events: Cross Bar X, COLS. Many changes there, but looking forward to what lies ahead. Built a house with every other spare moment. It’s not done yet. > New Skills: Wiring, Heating and Air, Drywall, Plumbing… you get the idea. > Thankful For: Family. Growth and challenges. That God doesn't give up and makes all things new.

All our Love  

Marci (for the whole crew)

(Photo Cred > Svatka at Foteem Photography > Who captures the beautiful in the midst of our messy.)

Once Upon a Time I Knew How to Raise My Children

Last night I sat with my children and looked at their little faces, with quivering chins and red eyes and thought, "What have I lost? I use to know exactly how to raise children. I use to know how to do this thing. But I can't remember any more how it is that I was going to accomplish it all..."

Before I had children I was a teacher, mostly kindergarten. I knew exactly how to raise a child then. I could see exactly how my pupils parents were failing and I knew that when I had children I wouldn't make those same mistakes.

Then I had our first child.
My first clue that parenting wouldn't be quite so simple was about 48 hours into my parenting career. I remember saying to God, "God, I didn't sign up for this... for an insanely fussy baby. Every book I diligently read, doesn't seem to 'work' for her... I prepared, now where are the results I should expect?" It was my first clue that "good parenting in" doesn't mean "good kid" will pop out at the end of 18 years.

Number 2 sort of re-instilled my perception that if I was a "good mom" my children would be "good kids" too. Then I got pregnant when our 2nd was only 9 months old. I didn't foresee this event and really doubted I could "hold it all together". Three children under 3 didn't bode well for my ability to ensure they'd all act nice and reflect well upon me.

Then we adopted. I knew we'd do a grand job raising children through adoption because we were superior parents. We had a loving family and what more does an orphaned child need than that? Love in, great kids out... right? Sure it was hard at first, what I didn't expect was for it to be hard a year, 2 years, 3 years later. I've learned love, my love, isn't always enough.

Here we are, a few years later, with our 6th child ... I look at her and now know I never knew how to raise a child the right way.

I thought I did, but what I had back then, when I knew exactly how to raise a child, was just a bunch of man made, one-size-fits-all tips, tricks and tactics. They might work on the little things like how to stop your 4 year old from picking their nose and eating it or how to not be (complete) brats in Walmart, but they fail in any effectiveness at correcting my children's real struggles... basically their sin and brokenness.

This shouldn't surprise me so... because God had a far better method of dealing with His children's sin... and even that failed to be effectual and provide for their ever-present need for grace. God couldn't make his children obey any better than I can make mine obey. What a foolish woman I was to think I could do things God couldn't!

Since learning I can't change my children's behavior/sin I've processed what it is I'm called to do...

I am called to teach them and impart knowledge and truth (both practical and spiritual) to them.
I am called to love them and be consistent in my discipleship/discipline of them.
But more than that I am called to parent them not for my own glory, but to glorify God.

Many of my days as a mother are futilely lived trying to battle the chaos around me and in turn glorify myself. I battle the chaos in the environment around me, in the people around me and most often with in myself. I get up with the battle already starting to thud and rumble (or shall I say grumble). I set out to try new tactics and new methods... being kinder, being more firm, giving more grace, being more consistent... except when the "bomb" of the day goes off I always feel defeated. I always wonder what "I'm doing wrong" as if finding the perfect formula would make it all better.

Last night as our family sat around our lit tree, glowing and golden, with red eyes and quivering chins my husband helped us all sort ourselves out of the broken bits of our day. He said, "Children, mom and I are called to teach you, train you and instruct you in many things. We teach you how to read, and write and do math. We teach you how to work hard and love others. But... there is really only one thing we can teach you that will make any difference in your lives. We could teach you everything else and if we don't teach you this one thing, your life would still be in ruins and with out hope. The one thing is Christ alive. Christ alive, working and changing you. With out that you will always and forever struggle and be walking in darkness. The fact is, you can't be good, you can't do good, you have NO hope with out Christ alive in you."

At some point (and repeated over and over again as I re-learn this lesson) I came to the startling realization that this whole parenting gig had far less to do with my abilities and faithfulness of raising children "correctly", as it did with God raising me into a person who brings Him glory. 

The solution for my children's struggles is the solution to my struggles... Christ alive ... Christ alive in me and in them. We have no hope outside of Him. Our struggle reminds us that our life is best lived in Him.

Once upon a time I knew exactly how to raise children. What I didn't know was that raising my children would really be raising me to see the only One who can do this thing!

Why I am a Lucky Lady

At down to 8 weeks left to go I've been struggling with some anemia and dehydration... and basically spent a good 4 days in bed.

I have said it before around here, but my husband is the one who takes any "good" I can create in our family and takes it up a notch to "great"! He is simply the very best!

He out did himself here recently. Knowing I wasn't well he wanted to surprise me with my favorite meal... Chick-fil-A!

Except we have one tiny little issue... the nearest Chick-fil-A is 170 miles in one direction or about 346 in the other direction. Boo!

Not to be easily discouraged from a perfect plan, he did what anyone would do...
He made FROM SCRATCH a whole Chick-fil-A copycat dinner!

Yep. The WHOLE thing!

Chicken sandwiches
Chicken nuggets
Waffle fries
Coleslaw
Polynesian Sauce
Sweet tea and lemonade

It was JUST as good... and honestly a tad better, because it was made with two particularly good ingredients: love and intentionality!

I should get sick more often...

Then he also made me this porch swing... I know. 

I am one lucky (blessed) lady!

Maternity Leave For the Stay at Home Mom?

I recently read this article and it totally inspired and challenged me to re-think my approach to postpartum!

My typical response with each new baby has been... "If I can do it, I ought to do it... (even if it sends me back to bed or I end up struggling emotionally, physically for a longer period of time... ) because if I don't do it, who will?" 

Looking back I sort of want to smack my forehead! 

One week after my 1st I went out to dinner with my family, because I "didn't want to miss out"... a waitress almost knocked our week old baby off the highchair we had her propped on in her carseat! I went and sat in our car to nurse as I was SO stressed out and had major anxiety every time we went out for quite some time after that!

With our 2nd I charged into camp season with out reservation and felt weepy and incompetent most of the summer.

With our 3rd birth baby I bleed a whole lot at birth, and made no adjustments for the longer period of healing I might need. For probably 6 months+ after I dealt with several bouts of mastitis, anemia, lack of energy and generally not feeling well.

What was I thinking???

While it seemed logical at the time, in hindsight, I see how unwise I had been and that my months of feeling unwell, not "normal" and struggling to a greater degree emotionally was very likely a result of my lack of healing and postpartum rest in the initial weeks and months following birth.

My healing and being restored fully is what is best for my family... not getting back to my old routine and trying to muscle it out of shear willpower! And that, like the author of the article states, takes rest, intentionality and a plan centered around the process of healing. 

My healing and restoration WILL benefit us all much more than me "muscling it" out of poorly acquired strength of will and good intentions. Additionally, I will admit that my emphasis on "getting back at it" was sort of based in my pridefulness... to prove to others my competency and also because I wanted to make it seem like it was all "no big deal." Hum... Sad.


Here are my Ideas...
(I'll try to update later with what I actually end up doing and how it goes for me.)

Preparations
Preparations are good. I feel like it creates margin and space. Elbow room. It helps me feel like I've already done most of the work and can relax in the moments that lay before me. It provides me peace of mind and clarity of thought. In the weeks prior to birth my "to due" list includes...
~ Stock up on basic supplies (what a great list!)
~ Prep for the home birth: clean, buy birth kit, practice relaxation, make a "nest".
~ Prep for homeschool: buy curriculum, make a plan, organize spaces.
~ Prep baby room and clothes.
~ Make freezer meals (more on that later)
~ Go on a nice date with my honey!
~ Do some special things as a family.
~ Nest... get my home ridiculously clean!

Laying In
The concept of "laying in" was introduced to me prior to our last birth baby (nearly 6 years ago). Basically, laying in is practiced it through staying in bed for about 2 to 3 days, much like a healing mother would at a hospital. Much is done and provided for her during this time.

It was very helpful to heal up from birth, get nursing established and just to get to know my new baby. I hope to do this again... but for longer, this time... say 4-5 or so days. Not only should this really be sort of mandatory and expected for any postpartum mom, but I think it really helps baby, siblings and dad to just chill, get to know the new baby and savor the new sweet things. Welcoming the whole family to enjoy a slow, unhurried season is much needed following a new addition to the family.

4 Weeks Off
I am planning to take 4-ish weeks "off" from my normal routine. This will include: instructing school, doing cleaning/cooking, laundry, and anything other than baby care. Basically, I plan being on my couch as much as possible with feet up, nursing, resting and loving those around me. I am hoping to get out daily for a short walk and sunshine. I am planning on keeping baby out of stores, church and germ-y places for both of our benefits (more on postpartum for baby later). My hope for this is that my diligence with rest will allow me to heal, stop bleeding quicker and avoid bouts of mastitis and postpartum emotional issues like I did with my 3rd birth. 

Belly Binding and Healing Postpartum Practices
I hadn't heard of abdominal binding until just recently, but when I did I thought "That is what I needed each time, but didn't know it existed!" Basically, you bind your abdomen from ribs down to hips soon after birth to stabilize floppiness, eleiviate after birth pains and to regain muscle support ... and to look more trim (not that I care much about this, honestly).  The jury is still out which binder I will get, but I have heard the most positive reviews on basic hospital/medical grade binders, and not fancy/trendy/pricy looking ones.

Here are the ones I've bookmarked as my top choices...

FitSplint
Squeem 
3 Panel Abdominal Binder
Underworks
Shrinkx

Additionally, I've always made some postpartum cooling comfrey and witch hazel pads and bought a sitz bath herbal mix that is really nice. I'm also exploring the world of essential oils and how they might aid in healing this time around!


Taking in Good Things
Continuing vitamines, fish oils, probiotics and vitamin D are on my list for post-baby health and emotional wellness. This would be in addition to all the meals I am planning to store up for easy prep during the weeks following birth. I WAS plan on making 2-4 meals of each of the following recipes, but my husband says not to... as freezer meals and his Mast Cell (sensitivities to histamines built up in foods that are preserved) issues don't mix well. I will still make a few, for lunches and breakfasts, but I'll go ahead and share my basic plan...

Chili - I add a TON more veggies to this recipe... Kale, peppers... basically whatever is laying around.

Beef Stew - Add the potatoes in the stew instead of mashing them and serving on the side.
Lamb Stew - My family LOVES this recipe!

Quiches -  I love having some hearty breakfasts the week following birth!
Baked Oatmeal - We've been enjoying baked oatmeal at camp all summer and I think it might do ok in the freezer... giving it a shot because of how great oatmeal is for milk supply!

Beef Taco Meat -  This is a great way to cook ground beef in bulk for freezing and adding to other recipes.

Shredded Chicken - For tacos or sandwiches or to put in other recipes.
Beans and Rice - Uganda style.

Beef Strogranoff - Stocking up on egg noodles too.

Creamy Mushroom Chicken - Paleo
Ugandan Chicken Stew - A family favorite that has become "comfort food" to me, yet fresh.

This would provide nearly a month of mostly prepped meals to pull out, pop in the crock pot and let cook all day, and just toss a salad, cook some rice or a veggies side and feel nourished and "on top of it" during the weeks and months after a husband is back to work!


Enlisting Help
I know we all deal differently with accepting support, but really, new mom's need a mother too!

We are super blessed to be having this baby in our "off season" at camp! While this doesn't mean my husband is at home all day, every day, it does mean he is WAY more available to be at home or come home as needed. The plan is for him to take off 3 weeks of work! I am also hoping my mom can come for a few weeks at or around the time of birth to help us manage our other children, home, cooking, and school.

I was considering hiring a "mothers' helper" this fall to help me with homeschool, light housework and preschool for our 3 year old... but I have yet to find anyone who either fits our needs or doesn't charge an INSANE amount. Not sure what will happen...

My Maternity Leave Plan: Adjusting Our School Schedule

This fall I will have a 3rd grader, two 1st graders, a kindergartener (who does 1st grade work) and a pre-schooler! I learned some great lessons when our last two children joined our family (although it was not through birth)... they are only "newborns" once in your family and that time is sacred and not to be rushed. I've realized that having a baby is worthy of adjusting ones' life, even for a few short weeks, there is NO rush to get back to anything. Even with school, the opportunity to witness and participate in the lessons a new baby brings are not long lasting. Expectations will be adjusted, the house will be a mess, children will have to do a bit more and mom will have to let some things go.

The basic plan is:
~ Starting school early this year, and do school as close to the time the baby is due/arrives as possible. I really hope to get a full month under our belt. 
~ Once the new baby arrives we will take off 4 weeks of school and have a 5th week of phasing back in. 
~ My hope is that weeks 3 and 4 I'll be able to have my bigger children doing their math, reading and handwriting independently during a short school block in the morning, and just check their work from the couch or have my mom or Tim assist with school. 
~ I am making a list of audio books on librivox.com that connect with our History Unit (middle ages) that we can sit and listen to together (while I am nursing or occupied).
~ I am planning and preparing for our school year NOW... getting our curriculum, making a bomb proof curriculum plan/schedule and organizing our spaces and resources! I'd ideally like to have both our children and my husband to be able to take a look and know what ought to be done just by looking at one page!
~ I intend on doing very little work or activities at home or outside of it during the 4+ weeks that we are taking off and to count much of it as a "fall break".

Family Functionality
A big part of making this all happen is teaching and training my family how to function as we include this special season and new member into to our family... that is what I am all about right now. 

~ Personal Laundry System ... My husband (genius that he is) instituted a personal laundry system. In short, each child has 1 labeled clothes basket for dirty clothes. They have one day a week to do their laundry and they must all do it start to finish on their own (wash, dry, fold and put away). If they mess up they deal with the natural consequences of their failure... no clean clothes. It has also helped eliminate the girl's struggle with dumping out drawers of clean clothes and putting clean clothes in dirty clothes for repeated unneeded washings... because it only creates more work for them! LOOOOVE it!

~ Morning Chore List ... We are trying something new. I made a list of the basic things I would like them to accomplish each morning from the time they get up until breakfast is served at about 8 am. The idea is that they must do this every morning, cross it off with a dry erase as they do it and show us it has gotten done. We will see how it pans out...

~ Area Management Positions ... This spring we started training our children in managing a particular area of our home. They don't have to do all the work in this area, just oversee it and report back to mom or dad what is needed. For example, Addie is the "Laundry Room Manager". Her tasks there include: keeping things tidy, gives daily reminders of who's laundry day it is and overseeing supplies in that area. Allan is "Kitchen Manager", Eli is "Animal Care Manager" and Cora is "Trash Manager." 

~ Baby Care ... This will be a lesson learned once the baby arrives, but ideally I'd love to have my four oldest capable of: holding, washing face and hands of a baby, diapering wet and dirty diapers, spoon-feeding, keeping a baby safe while they are mobil, and of course playing with a baby. I would like our 3, almost 4 year old to be capable of washing, holding and playing with a baby as well as assisting mom in various tasks and being a helper. I think all of our children will greatly benefit from learning to be confident in baby care.

~ Basic Self Control and Obedience ... This is mainly for our youngest. She is still learning to hear mom's voice, respond in obedience, not get into things and to have basic self control. I typically use some of the methods at Raising Godly Tomatoes, she is nearly always by my side, as being alone or on her own is just too much for her ... but it is a good reminder for all of them too in various areas (like how we speak to each other, or in putting away things and being in control of our own actions). We practice this daily as we live and it is a process I know isn't learned in a day.

~ Potty Training ... Our youngest is still in the process of being completely self motivated and able in this area and it would be AMAZING  to get her in big girl undies before this baby arrives... but no stress!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

That's it.
But I want to share something I've been telling myself...

Mamas of new babies... it is OK to not pick up a day or two (or week or two) after birth and do your "normal" routine at your normal level. In fact, it is very much not ok for you to try and do that, even if you think you can or want to!

Please give yourself permission to rest and heal. Give your body and mind time to adjust and savor. This is a short season of time. Most traditional cultures set aside somewhere between 40-60+ days of rest for new mothers... from any obligations or work. This is a holy time... not laziness.

I've been studying the biblical concept of "rest and sabbath" and one of the main gleanings I've taken away from the study is that biblical rest is about being satisfied in mind and body with what is before you... the season, your own capacity and what God has placed before you. Having a new baby is a great time to practice the act of "sabbath" in a very real sense.

Rest is saying to God "I trust you to do what I am unable, as I enter into the rest you've provide and commanded of me."

My Hero

Tim is really my hero. 

Best friend... to the point I am a fairly crummy friend to most others 

because he is just about all I want or need in a friend!

So stinking proud of him. 

He's spent the last 5 or so years working on a master's degree... he ended up getting one in Leadership. 

It was hard... for both of us. 

Also, several people wanted to see the concrete counters Tim made and put in our kitchen. We have one half of it done, the other half will be a bit more labor intensive. Don't ask me how he did it... all I know is it was messy but turned out amazing!

11 Years ~ The Most Memorable Anniversary

Today Tim and I have been married for 11 years!

My man makes good things great.

He woke me up and made me our very own little cafe breakfast. 

This is a feat of epic proportions while running an entire camp.

We always have low expectations for summer anniversaries.

It was a sweet, sweet time.

However, little did we both know, but someone had a 

little more magic up their sleeves for this special day. 

So much so... I am still in shock!

Today I took Addie over at 3 pm for her drama skills class.

On the way, she kept telling me that I couldn't go in the dinning hall... 

until she had made sure "it was ok." I began to wonder what was up.

Then when we went to leave she very politely asked if she could stay at camp for rec time, which we don't allow if Tim isn't able to be present. I told her "no" and she said ok with a sad tone.

When we went back to camp for dinner she kept telling me, "Mom, will you promise to not go into the dinning hall when we get there? Please? You have to trust me..." 

I agreed and went with it...

When I went in I saw this sign.

Our table was made up with a table cloth, it had a candle and fresh cut flowers!

During dinner Addie arranged for a gluten free meal and it was served to us. 

We had special drinks and were waited on by Addie and staff.

Tim and I sat and actually talked during dinner. We reminisced.

Campers came up to congratulate us.

The entire camp sang to us, signed a card for us and then we had a yummy apple and ice cream dessert!

One of the staff persons who helped Addie pull of this amazing anniversary party came up and told me Addie had come in, arranged it all, saw it got done and intended on helping do it all (before I told her she couldn't stay for rec time). 

Then, tonight when she saw it was all done to her standards she went in the kitchen and told all the staff what "a blessing they had been to her in helping" do all this for her parents!

She also told me, "Mom, I knew how special this day was, I just couldn't get out any old thing in my closet and wrap it up, like I normally would have... it was just too important of a day!"

This is one to go down in the history books folks!

Such a blessed mama!

Such a sweet girl!

Thank you for the memorable day, Addie Ruth.

(We think you could make a killing being an event planner).

She Can Laugh?

Long ago I started this blog with the theme from Proverbs 31:25 "She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come."

Those three words resonated with me... both who I am and who I desire to be... She can laugh. 
Not, "She will laugh"
Or, "She must laugh"
But, "She CAN..."

Today I cried.
I do that, as well as laughing, often.
It is hard.
Camp.
Life.
Marriage.
Family.
Health.

It is nice to know that I CAN laugh. Not because I have to, but because God has clothed me with strength and dignity that are His own. I can because my strength and dignity don't rest on my circumstances. I possess nothing but rags, filthy and worn. He, however, has clothed me with what I need to be able to laugh at the days I am currently in and those to come.

Last night I watched a riveting documentary on netflix called "Mugabe and the White African" (Wow, a must watch!) Basically it is about a family of white African's who have lived in an African nation who has a dictator who is trying to "rid" the nation of all "white's" and to take the land they have owned for generations... and give it to "the people" but in a very nepotistic way. I kept thinking, "How is this family not utterly shaken? How are they not falling apart at the seams?" What struck me was the young wife... while she certainly wasn't laughing at the blatant racial persecution and near genocidal type of struggles they are dealing with. She was, however strong and dignified. Her face was serious, but she had a boldness and resolution that was etched in her weathered face. She was broken... but not blowing the the winds of turmoil that were around her. She was confident...

Sigh.
Can She Laugh?

Thoughts on a hard day.

To Be Honest...

It all started when I turned 33... (don't all really crummy stories start that way?)
I don't know. I haven't ever read a story that begins that way... so I will set the president!

We went out for dinner, a glorious dinner.... and ended up in the ER.

That has been how my life has been since my birthday back in November.

'Cept... I am not the sick one... and sometimes not being the sick one is the harder part. 

Ain't it the truth?

Tim isn't going to die, we think. No really. He won't, yet. 

He is just really really struggling. 

For months he has felt unlike himself and all the Doctors say, "We have NO clue what is wrong with you! Go home head case!" 

'Cept, he isn't a Head Case. He is sick.

He has been scoped, scraped, combed, cupped, poked, prodded and cracked (not like the drug).

He's had all manner of medications, acid blockers, heart throbbers, herbs, hormones and healiants shoved down his throat.

Some made him feel worse. That is icing on the big old rotten "I feel like snot" cake, isn't it... medicine that makes you feel even worse than you did before! What evil scientist cooked that up???

We have thrown out the flour, grains, and brought in the bacon and kale.
NO GMO's are in our house... we swept them out like leaven at Passover, folks! In fact, we might almost be eating Kosher?!? Yeah... almost, 'cept the bacon.

We have our children eating Paleo... Paleo people!

It is the first ever "diet" I have been on and it strictly broke my code to NEVER eat a diet with a stupid name! I have bypassed the Atkins diet, the Akia Berry craze, and a million others. Year 33 is one to go down in history, folks! 

I am on a diet with a stupid name... because I love my husband and his skinny butt!

The skinny... it is my husband. He is almost down to MY weight! Heck, I am loosing weight just so he doesn't match me! That is the ONLY reason! I might have to start WORKING OUT!!! Just to keep ahead of him... and since I am on the Paleo-Shmaleo diet I might as well jump on the whole Crossfit bandwagon! I have put off calling my "trainer" for a few weeks... "because I am busy." I told you I was going to be honest. And sweet, cute Trainer... I am sorry. I think I need to work through my personal heart issues before I come to you or it could get ugly if I have to lift weights... really ugly.

And... it gets worse!

I am going gray! Like 15 hairs right on my part line, sticking straight up waving at everyone... 

"Hey, look at me! I am a gray hair! Marci is 33 and going gray!!!" 

Back to the point... My cute, skinny hubs is slowly getting better. Smile!

It is his "adrenals".

His adrenal gland fatigue is giving ME adrenal gland fatigue!

It is "catching".... not really, but it feels like it!

He also has low this and low that. 

Even the "real" Doctor's agree that "that" shouldn't be that low and that "this" isn't in a good range.

Nice. Thank you! So good you figured that out!

But when will my husband be himself again? I miss him. I am lonely. I don't want to be a nursemaid my whole life!!! (Note: I just watched the Episode in Downton Abbey where poor Edith gets jilted and I wanted to use that phrase ever so badly!!!!) 

I am really ok with being a "nursemaid"... I am 33, after all, and that is all one can hope for at this age... Ok, speaking "Downton Abbey" again... sometimes I want to talk to my children like I was Lady Grantham all day. That would be good for me in so many ways. I could dress them up in little liveries too (those are little service uniforms if you don't know) and have them come when I ring a bell and call me "Ma' Lady."

To be honest... that is my life right now.

I really do have SO many more things than homeschooling or adoption on my mind... I just doubt anyone really cares to hear about it. 

10 Years... NO Kids... Victoria, BC..

A few weeks ago Tim and I were able to get away, just the two of us for our 10th anniversary!

We went to Vancouver Island, and stayed in Victoria... We were able to used points and vouchers for airfare and one of our hotels. It was amazing!

The first night we went to Buchard Gardens... on Saturday nights they have THE most amazing fireworks show!!! It is seriously cool! I wasn't really "into" it until I saw it. We also had a sweet picnic dinner on the lawn... one was enough for both of us (they tried to get us to buy 2).

We rode bikes one day, walked a lot and saw some beautiful sights in Victoria. It was very European... to me... and reminded me a tad of London or Dublin.

Tim planned daily devos for us to cover our marriage, child rearing and family life... the theme was "love"... it was a highlight of the trip for me!

We ate some really good food!!! Really good! My favorites were: Sooke Harbor House, Rebar, Barb's Fish and Chips, and Blue Water in Vancouver.

 We went and visited this amazing "castle" in Victoria... In the library it said, "Reading Maketh A Full Man." The wood work was stunning.

We spent one night in Vancouver, it was too big for me... too many people! But we had a great dinner, an amazing hotel, with complimentary car (just a Bentley) that took us to dinner. And we went a saw Buddy: The Buddy Holly Story... it was super fun! Our cute indian taxi cab driver was lamenting the taxes on owning property in the Vancouver area and said, "I don't know who could pay those taxes... maybe they are smugglers!" That is a conversation you don't have in Durango... never. It was a fun experience and totally amazing!

TEN years!!!

Daddy's Girl...

(Thea avoiding one of Tim's scruffy kisses)

(Tim showing Thea my Valentine roses)

(Chocolates... a way to all girl's hearts)

If I make this thing function, Tim makes this thing fun (just take off the -ction).

Yet again we have a Daddy' Girl... or she is "getting there."

Some times I think, "Wow, for the better part of 9 months Thea never saw a man, much less a white one." Tim has got to be a bit strange to her. Does it bother him that she is sort of "weirded out" by him, nope. He know's no one can resist him for long... he patiently interacts with her time and time again. And just shakes off her hesitancy and keeps on loving her.

Generally she "puts up with him", but recently she is learning to love him.

On Sunday she fell asleep in church in his arms.

Dad's are so vitally important in little lives... especially to making little girls grow into women who feel secure and with out voids. I am so thankful for a man who loves his girls, treats them uniquely special and know's the importance of his role in their little lives!

The Man of My Dreams Makes Me Things

My husband IS the man of my dreams. Every day he some way or another makes a dream of mine come true. In fact, nearly every morning he makes me THE best coffee complete with steamed milk, chocolate sauce and caramel swirled on top... that in its self is a gift to me. Am I right... he is a dreamy man?

When I came home from Ug@nda this last trip the kids said on the ride home, "Mom, we have a surprise for you..." and something about a rug. Tim quickly shushed them. I got home to a platter of cheese, crackers and wine... OH my... such a dream man! I love cheese and quite honestly, I am easily pleased by dairy products.

Then he said, "We have one more surprise." He took me in our bedroom and showed me he had nearly completely re-decorated it (we had the bedding and curtains already). Now who out there has a husband that you could trust to re-decorate your garage, much less a master bedroom and have it turn out like this???

Yes, that lamp (and it's mate) were my grand-grandma Gail's... they are white porcelain and have a fruit motif on top of the round thing... I LOVE LOVE LOVE them!!! I loved looking at the very realistic fruit when I was a little girl. Tim thinks they are ugly, but let them be the show piece of the room... cuz he loves me!

He made the bench at the bottom of the bed, 2 night stands... complete with the fruit lamps and he made a little reading/talking nook for us. His note said some thing to the effect that "we are now parents of 5 kids and he thought we needed a place to retreat to..."

Love him and the way he thinks!

I hardly leave my bedroom at all now.

THEN... it gets better!

For Christmas he made me/us a new dining table, with enough room for us all, plus a guest or 2. It took this long to finish it and get 4 strapping dudes to carry in our house... the thing could sub as a bomb shelter, it is so well made... 100% hard wood, not a laminate in sight!

Isn't is perfection!

The benches could easily fit 5-6 kids and 4 adults. Summer staff are on their way... so I think we could fit at least 12 around it.

I LOVE MY MAN!

HE SPOILS ME TOOOOOOOO MUCH.

I am bragging and boasting... even though that isn't right.