How to Keep Toddlers and Preschoolers Busy & Happy While Homeschooling

This is probably one of the most common questions I'm asked about homeschooling... 

"How in the world do you occupy your little ones... and manage to get ANYthing done?"

Valid concern... 

Considering we have a 2-year-old and a 5-year-old who is nearly as "busy" as her toddler sister. 

I can't figure it out for you, but these are ideas I've tried and regularly use.

~ Do school together. This is my #1 go-to response. If you can't beat them, join them (and I don't mean spankings). Have your little ones "join school". If your big kid/s are doing math, pull out some pattern blocks, pop your toddler in a high chair and call it "math time" for them! When you are doing phonics pull out a workbook or letter tiles and have your 3-year-old do "phonics"... because... it is truly school too. Who say's they have to be 5 to be "going to school". Quite literally, our 4th child has ALWAYS done school with her two older brothers and she's proof this method works!

~ Keep them moving... Tip #2 is that little ones need both a healthy balance of routine and also moving through different activities. It's easy to get focused on your older child's lessons, but keeping a steady supply of activities keeps littles ...

1. Out of trouble

2. Happy

3. Learning at an age appropriate level

~ Do blanket time. Pull out a blanket (we use a rug) and train your toddler to sit and play quietly on it with a bin of toys that they find intriguing. The key... don't be punitive. When they lose interest, move on. 

~ Daily Bins. I make a daily bin (Monday - Friday) that features items that my littles find stimulating. Some ideas are: puzzles, magnet blocks, bristle blocks, legos, pattern blocks, felt board, dry erase board and books, board books, sorting toys. Pull a bin for a half hour and enjoy!

~ PBS kids??? Have a movie block of time... whether that's one show of PBS kids, or Sign Time or another show that they can't be easily distracted from... use it! 

~ Play kitchen. Add in math with a cash register. 

~ Make a sheet tent!!! Or a couch fort! 

~ Pull out child safe (yet adult) kitchen items... big (real) pots and pans, rolling pins, plastic cups and tools are super intriguing to little people!

~ Have a puppet show.

~ Rice or Bean bin. I don't love the mess this makes, but it is a nice treat. And no, I wouldn't go to the lengths of getting a kiddy pool... I'd just rather vacuum! 

~ Invest in a kid trampoline. I was doubtful about this, but after seeing how our preschooler took to it at a sensory physical therapy session we got one! She has "jump time" every day and it's essential for both of us to make it through a winter day! 

~ Playdough or other doughs (like kinetic sand). There's something wonderful about putting a toddler in a highchair and letting them squish and squeeze to their heart's desire while you sit on the couch and read a book aloud... for at least 10 minutes! 

~ Packing. Pull out a suitcase and some clothes (ones just out of the dryer) and let your preschooler pretend to pack for a trip... they will undoubtedly pretend to take a trip and pull around the wheely suitcase for a good half hour!

~ Box play! We all know the mesmerizing qualities of a big empty box. Add crayons ot the mix for and older child and it's even better! 

~ Sensory Bin. For younger toddler a bin of sensory objects are very fun and great developmentally! 

~ Cutting and pasting... get out a tray, safety scissors, and a glue stick and set your little one up at your side (because you never know what will happen with scissors). 

~ Room time. Everyone needs time to be alone. Set up a safe room, fully childproofed with a bin of safe toys and a doorway gate. Teach littles to play in solitude for a short period of time each day, lengthen to close to an hour if desired and handled well. 

~ Fill them up first... this is the best and most vital tip for homeschooling with little ones. Start you day with something for them... songs, a book, snuggles, play with mama... what ever fills ups hteir littel love tanks, do it first thing. They will feel more able to meet the day ahead, spend time alone and playing independently if you've spent time loving and enjoying them first! 

When Things Aren't Working: People ~ Process ~ Purpose

My husband enjoys the show The Profit... in short, its a reality show where a wealthy investor (Marcus Lemonis) takes over struggling businesses and makes them profitable and functional again! It's good TV.

I watch on while I knit.
Many of his ideas have been slowly filtering through my mind. Lemonis' main mantra is "People, process, profit..." when anyone of those things are out of whack businesses generally don't succeed. Some times the issue is with the people, or how people are treated. Other times its the process of the business, the day to day functioning of the business ... and both issues usually impact the profitability of the business. It's interesting stuff.

I'm a miserably poor manager. Well, I take that back. I ran a very well managed classroom when I taught... because school is VERY controllable, reliable and systematic... sadly, at the cost of people... but it has to be. This however, can't always be the case in homes ... in families and in homeschools. And I'm not sure I want to treat my home and family like a school or business.

However...

Every day I wake up and I feel (in part) like I am running a struggling business (home). Now, this illustration all breaks down because our goal as a family isn't to make a profit. I guess you could use that word, but I've found that really "purpose" is a better word and end result of having our people and process in better alignment.

When they are functional we all are able to explore, create, learn and grow in depth of purpose!


Right now, nothing is working in our home... 

My process (the managing systems of our home) are NOT running smoothly. Chores aren't done, rules are not obeyed (even though we are consistent and correct). Guidelines are not acknowledged. Chaos rules us all.

People aren't doing the process (systems of management) that we've trained and taught them in.  Our people are at each otter's throats, fighting, arguments and generally not connecting on heart levels.

We fail to be able to create, explore and grow in the purpose God's designed us for and for what our hearts feel called.

Sometimes life looks more like a photo where no one is looking the same
 direction and people are talking to each other through gritted teeth. 

It stinks. It makes us all hurt.

Some people here feel this keenly. Others seem like they desire to add to the chaos or are reactionary to what surrounds them.


Each day I get up with renewed purpose all to have it fall by the wayside just moments after I take my 1st sip of chai and look at my surroundings... I see that a person has failed to do chores, or got into fish food and it now is ground into carpet or to be told someone doesn't have clothes to wear (because they failed to do their laundry like they were told.)

Our process is broken.
People are feeling disunited and on their own.
As the leader I feel defeated and have lack of motivation.

I can't say that I have a solution to this yet... but it feels better just voicing it, and realizing that people, process and purpose are all interconnected.

It's not always like this. It seem like we have a season like this ever few years... growing pains. New things. Life just being a bit "too big" for us... then we rally, come together and grow. It's still hard.

It's helpful for me to realize that leading a family, training children and managing a home is a REAL job (profession) and also a very worthwhile investment.

It might not glean returns in income (ha!), but I will reap returns in functionality, interconnectedness and be able to grow deeper in the purposes I was created for, and to see others around me benefit from personal investment in it as well!


Some of my goals...

~ To encourage personal connections and relationship building. If the process has to wait because people are connecting that is worth it! I want to connect on heart levels with each of my people. If I elevate the process I fear pushing them farther away or if all we do is think about the process then we end up serving it instead of it serving us.

~ To minimize and simplify... both "stuff" and for me mental clarity and distractions. I crave simplicity right now!

~ To take baby steps on improving our process... to update what isn't working and reinstate what is or has worked.

~ To fix me. I am the tone and weather of my home. When I am well and have direction that filters down to others.


Thanks for walking with me!
Feel free to share.

Green Home

It's cold and icy. But there is a little home that is green and warm where things grow. 

 

Little things are sprouting.

Bigger things are producing fruit.

Little by little every day.

Fish and plants work together to thrive.

The big aquaponics is new and we are just getting the water established with proper levels of nutrients.

The blue tank is thriving and the chard is proof... Brighter colors speak of its happiness and nourishment.

Bok Choy just used in our kitchen was then transplanted from our local grocer finds a place to grow and have another chance at fruitfulness.

 

Celery grows again. A rebirth of sorts.

Our first broccoli grows up toward the light.

The tomatoe "tree"... A combined growing mass of life. Six plants have taken up their own empire in a corner. I use to hate the smell of tomatoe plants... Now it is a fresh and inviting perfume to my nose.

Eggplant kingdom... Still no fruit! We wait in expectancy. Hoping for something to grow where only space is taken.

A heavy fruit, nearly ready. Pink and purple tomatoes are my new obsession.

They grow close together, up a stake and around uplifting stabilizers.

If grown in their own way they'd rot on the ground.

My little green "home" is an oasis!

It's teaching me skills and applications for my own little home.

 

 

Once Upon a Time I Knew How to Raise My Children

Last night I sat with my children and looked at their little faces, with quivering chins and red eyes and thought, "What have I lost? I use to know exactly how to raise children. I use to know how to do this thing. But I can't remember any more how it is that I was going to accomplish it all..."

Before I had children I was a teacher, mostly kindergarten. I knew exactly how to raise a child then. I could see exactly how my pupils parents were failing and I knew that when I had children I wouldn't make those same mistakes.

Then I had our first child.
My first clue that parenting wouldn't be quite so simple was about 48 hours into my parenting career. I remember saying to God, "God, I didn't sign up for this... for an insanely fussy baby. Every book I diligently read, doesn't seem to 'work' for her... I prepared, now where are the results I should expect?" It was my first clue that "good parenting in" doesn't mean "good kid" will pop out at the end of 18 years.

Number 2 sort of re-instilled my perception that if I was a "good mom" my children would be "good kids" too. Then I got pregnant when our 2nd was only 9 months old. I didn't foresee this event and really doubted I could "hold it all together". Three children under 3 didn't bode well for my ability to ensure they'd all act nice and reflect well upon me.

Then we adopted. I knew we'd do a grand job raising children through adoption because we were superior parents. We had a loving family and what more does an orphaned child need than that? Love in, great kids out... right? Sure it was hard at first, what I didn't expect was for it to be hard a year, 2 years, 3 years later. I've learned love, my love, isn't always enough.

Here we are, a few years later, with our 6th child ... I look at her and now know I never knew how to raise a child the right way.

I thought I did, but what I had back then, when I knew exactly how to raise a child, was just a bunch of man made, one-size-fits-all tips, tricks and tactics. They might work on the little things like how to stop your 4 year old from picking their nose and eating it or how to not be (complete) brats in Walmart, but they fail in any effectiveness at correcting my children's real struggles... basically their sin and brokenness.

This shouldn't surprise me so... because God had a far better method of dealing with His children's sin... and even that failed to be effectual and provide for their ever-present need for grace. God couldn't make his children obey any better than I can make mine obey. What a foolish woman I was to think I could do things God couldn't!

Since learning I can't change my children's behavior/sin I've processed what it is I'm called to do...

I am called to teach them and impart knowledge and truth (both practical and spiritual) to them.
I am called to love them and be consistent in my discipleship/discipline of them.
But more than that I am called to parent them not for my own glory, but to glorify God.

Many of my days as a mother are futilely lived trying to battle the chaos around me and in turn glorify myself. I battle the chaos in the environment around me, in the people around me and most often with in myself. I get up with the battle already starting to thud and rumble (or shall I say grumble). I set out to try new tactics and new methods... being kinder, being more firm, giving more grace, being more consistent... except when the "bomb" of the day goes off I always feel defeated. I always wonder what "I'm doing wrong" as if finding the perfect formula would make it all better.

Last night as our family sat around our lit tree, glowing and golden, with red eyes and quivering chins my husband helped us all sort ourselves out of the broken bits of our day. He said, "Children, mom and I are called to teach you, train you and instruct you in many things. We teach you how to read, and write and do math. We teach you how to work hard and love others. But... there is really only one thing we can teach you that will make any difference in your lives. We could teach you everything else and if we don't teach you this one thing, your life would still be in ruins and with out hope. The one thing is Christ alive. Christ alive, working and changing you. With out that you will always and forever struggle and be walking in darkness. The fact is, you can't be good, you can't do good, you have NO hope with out Christ alive in you."

At some point (and repeated over and over again as I re-learn this lesson) I came to the startling realization that this whole parenting gig had far less to do with my abilities and faithfulness of raising children "correctly", as it did with God raising me into a person who brings Him glory. 

The solution for my children's struggles is the solution to my struggles... Christ alive ... Christ alive in me and in them. We have no hope outside of Him. Our struggle reminds us that our life is best lived in Him.

Once upon a time I knew exactly how to raise children. What I didn't know was that raising my children would really be raising me to see the only One who can do this thing!

Things I Wish I Knew as a 1st Time Mom

Our newest addition takes me back to the day when those first two pink lines appeared... the excitement, anxiousness and amazement are still keenly remembered after 3 bio babies, a large (some what overgrown) 5 year old "baby boy" and a sweet baby girl through adoption!

Now baby #6 is on its way!  The insanity!

I was reminiscing about those early days and realized having baby #6 is a whole lot different than having baby #1! I began to wonder how much easier it would have been had I known what I do now...

What did I wish I knew back then?

1. Pregnancy is meant to be a time of preparing for parenthood, not just spent doing all the things commonly done to enjoy pregnancy. 
Don't get me wrong, enjoy it! Live it up! Take that photo of a hand heart over your globular belly, buy some fun baby stuff, have a baby shower or two, register and take a Babymoon... but remember, this is all preparation for a life long journey called "parenting".

Prepare for that too! Figure out what you think you want to do with a sleepless baby, a screaming toddler and how you want to address things like feeding, childcare, and discipline.

Remember, your partner is also in on this and your marriage is not to take a backseat to baby. Go to a marriage conference, find a mentor couple to talk with and discuss how to keep your marriage at the top of the list and also how to balance children and marriage together! The best gift you can give your children is loving your spouse more than you love them!

One day as I held my 1st I realized how silly I had been to be so concerned about getting burp clothes, diapers and wipes... being a parent was HARD! I needed something far more protective than a burp cloth! I needed the help of the Holy Spirit... because in that moment I knew without His help I would, for sure, foul this thing up on my own. Pray often. Meditate on the Word. Live out the concepts of Brother Lawrence in keeping up a constant conversation with the Almighty! This practice is made for mothers with little ones.

My TOP Parenting Book List 

On Mothering -  Loving the Little Years by Rachel Jankovic (best read when you have a 3 year old)

Basic Child Training - Raising Godly Tomatoes by Elizabeth Krueger

Disciplining and the Heart - Give them Grace by Elise Fitzpatrick and Jessica Thompson

On Marriage and Family - Creative Counterpart by Linda Dillow
Adoption - The Connected Child by Karyn Purvis

Other things I enjoyed learning and discovering as a new mom...
Baby sign language
Various sleep or scheduling methods
(Attachment parenting/co-sleeping to even scheduling/"sleep training", 
through it we found our "happy medium".)
How to make your own baby food, baby wipes, and hair and skin creams
Cloth diapering

 

Tim told me if I ever made him do "hand hearts" over my belly I might as well take away his "man card".
I ofter to "let" him this time around... he declined...

2. Birth. It is important, but not life altering if things don't go as you've planned.
Prepare for what you want, but surrender what you don't "get".

Learn a natural birth method, even if you never intend on using it because you never know what you're going to get. When I delivered in the hospital with my 3rd child, there was this poor woman next door screaming her poor head off... like REALLY screaming, insanely! When I commented I felt really bad for her to my labor nurse, she said that she was a 1st time mom and hadn't planned on having a natural birth (and was obviously unprepared for one) but her labor was progressing too quickly and they couldn't get her the epidural she wanted because the baby was almost ready to be born. She was in "transition" and had no means of dealing with her obvious pain because she had thought she'd have that miracle working epidural! Thankfully her suffering was over with shortly, but I bet she wished she had some sort of back up plan to help her out in her hour of need.

Similarly, even if you learn 10 birthing methods prepare your heart for an unexpected c-section or need for various interventions... things happen and life throws us curve balls, even when we think we know what we want. Prepare to be balanced... prepare for the unexpected.

Know that in it all, birth is a normal (a typically non-medical) function of the body... and the purpose of birth is to get you a healthy baby. I believe a woman's body can accomplish amazing things. You are stronger than you think and however your baby enters this world is a miracle that you participated in!

Hospital birth went well and we got a baby!
Home birth went well and we got a baby!
Other forms of delivery go well and they get their families a baby!

3. Breast vs. Bottle
A majority of women in my local community breastfeed... I know this isn't always the norm everywhere, but this is where I am coming from. That said, I have been both a breast and bottle mom.  I've done both fairly exclusively... meaning some really never took a bottle or formula and another took only a bottle and formula.

First off... Breast vs. Bottle is not a moral issue. It simply isn't. 

It is an issue of methodology...
What method will you choose given the information you know? For me, it all came down to... which method I found most met our needs as a family and meshed with our values. That was the breast with our first 3 babies. While breastfeeding was and has always been a challenge to me initially, I did it because I valued it and it best met our needs.

I didn't nurse because it was noble/right/best, I nursed because it was the easiest option (for me) and FREE!

I made the choice with our 5th to not pursue re-lactating (and to formula feed her) because of a few factors...
1. I knew I'd have to take drugs I didn't want to take to start lactating again... as she entered our family via adoption.
2. I knew pumping is very hard for me and usually produces very little results.
3. I knew that if she didn't take to nursing I'd not be able to give her stored milk because I have a lipase enzyme issue that makes my milk taste like soap and none of my previous babies would choke it down after it had been stored for more than about an hour.

Honestly, I didn't love bottle feeding, but I did it because it fit our family during that season, it was best for us all. I found bottle feeding at night something akin to being drunkenly impaired and trying to do a jigsaw puzzle under pressure of being punched in the face by a screaming maniac. Head nod.

Despite it being less than ideal for me, I did it, because it too was what was best for our family and met the needs of our child at that particular time and situation. I was extremely thankful it was an option and that formula had kept my child alive and thriving for her first months of life! She has continued to have amazing health and honestly I have seen very little difference in comparison to my breastfed babies.

Also, with each of my nurslings I had to learn how to nurse (again), it never came easy for me. That is why I think lactation specialists are miracle workers... they really are. They fix problems instantaneously and send you nursing on your merry way! That said, expect to ugly cry when you call them... they will expect it and it is okay, sob and sniffle away, go and see them and things will get better!

That night I called a lactation specialist in tears and they helped!

4. Things will be hard... but they will get easier.
When my first little one came I had been under the impression that they typically come out and do three things: sleep, eat and poop. Well, that was a BIG fat lie! When my first was born she came out and stayed up all hours (day and night), she cried... endlessly and even pooping wasn't exactly as I expected it.

At most she'd sleep for 30 minutes and wake up and cry some more. I tried every method of dealing with the lack of sleep, crying and the fact she seemed unlike any newborn on the planet. I read a long list of books. One helped me parent her better... basically, I learned that all the shooshing, rocking, slinging, bouncing, and cajoling I had been doing (as advised by all the other books) was just majorly overstimulating a child who entered this world prone to being overstimulated easily. She needed help from me to anticipate her need for sleep and to shut down. It worked and she eventually stopped crying (so much) and started sleeping in a more normal pattern (more than 30 minutes.)

BUT... really what I needed was for a friend to tell me, "Hey girl, You know, it is hard right now. BUT, it will get easier. I promise you will sleep again. She will sleep. You won't feel like your world has been thrown upside down. Hang in there and keep on loving and caring for that baby!"

The BEST 1st Week of Parenting Photos... This is reality...

(Seriously, my favorite photos, ever!)

Me: "What was I thinking??? They all lied... lied! They said new babies just eat, sleep and poop?"
Tim: "Um, you can take her now! She must need to eat again? She is crying... again."
Me: "I just fed her 11 minutes ago! I don't think she ever stops crying..."

Addie: "God? Why? This mother is incompetent! I can't stop looking at the lights!
Help me! Save me from this insanity!!! The lights!!!!"
(Note... she is the exact color of her magenta dress.)
And look... I am "shooshing" and rocking the poor child!

AND...

With any hope this will be your next child. 

He slept a solid 5 hours his first night, and all he did for months was eat, sleep and poop normally!

Angel baby!

5. Products/Gear/Things...

Having 5 (nearly 6) children sort of helps you eliminate all the junk that seems to accumulate after a few babies. I have made my "Must Have" list of top items I really couldn't live with out.

A ring sling and an "ergo" style carrier ~
Ok that is two... but you will want a sling (I prefer a ring sling) for the early infancy period because it is most adjustable and able to keep a baby up on your shoulder, aka "the sweet spot", without them flopping all about.
Then once they have some heft to them and some head control you can move to a more comfortable ergo style carrier. There are many brands and they are all just about the same, but you'll use it for up to about 3+ years after that.
I still have my first ring sling and ergo and they are going strong and still get used!!! I have carried 4 babies and toddlers in my ergo and still carry my 3 year old in it very often on my back. Seriously, promise me you won't get a Bjorn... please, they stink in comparison, plus they are less than ideal for baby's hip joints.

A pretty blanket ~
It doubles as a nursing cover, towel, spit up rag and diaper changing mat... get a ton of nice blankets and never leave home without one!

A booster seat for eating ~
Booster seats are great for age 5- 6 months (at the introduction of solid foods) to age 3+.  They are portable, non-bulky, very easy to clean, and can be used and put away with out taking up a lot of room like a traditional high chair. We have had the same one last for 9+ years, it is going strong. I have owned swings, bouncers, bumbos and even a hand-me-down high chair, but this one seat has outdone them all!

An umbrella stroller ~
We have given away EVERY other stroller, and we have had a fancy pram, jogger, single and double/stander. The humble umbrella works well, is light and portable and just as functional as any of the others and works for all ages. We don't plan on buying a new stroller, just sticking with our little umbrella!

An activity center seat, play thing ~
I am not really one for big things like swings, bouncers or entertainer mats, but we have used this exersaucer with every baby too and it is grand for times mommy needs free hands and a happy baby.

STINKIN' cute. There is NO doubt!

Some of my other favorite things:
Burt's Bee Diaper rash cream
Soothies glycerin nursing pads (you will thank me!)
Bum Genius or Bummies Brights cloth diapers
No diaper bag ever... they are all SO ugly! I just buy a bigger purse I like.
Nursing covers
Jesus Story Book Bible (just get it, it will make your cry).
Oyin skin and hair products (brown skinned and curly haired people... but I have been known to snitch some of the whipped cocoa butter for my own skin).
Shea Moisture baby lotion



6. You are a "mom" now...

When I first became a mom I saw lots of other moms doing things and holding various beliefs about being a "mom" and how to care for their babies. I felt like I needed to do what they were doing and believe what they believed in order to be a "good mom". I realized later that being like others wasn't what God called me to be. I was called to obey Him and be myself in my new position as a mother.

There aren't really many "rules" to be a parent... Really the only real "rules" I can pinpoint are:

Nurture and protect your child physically and emotionally... Meet their needs.

Train and discipline a child in the knowledge of the Lord.

Teach your children the things that they need to know to mature and grow up.

Mean what you say and say what you mean.

Honestly that is about it. Really.

How you go about doing those things are NOT rules or laws mandated by God... they are simply the methods to accomplishing the important things. Methods vary and often people place moral implications or weight on the methodology that they most value. That is when we offend or hurt each other... or begin to make our methods an idol... (examples are: breast vs. bottle, to vaccinate or not vaccinate, to spank or not to spank.) The sweet thing is that God has given you and your husband complete freedom to parent how He gifted you and in the convictions you both personally hold. Your methods may not look like your older sister's, your best friend's or your neighbor's and that is totally okay. The scope is very wide for what are acceptable methods for parenting and caring for a child.

And... you can even feel free to do something different with your next child! 

I also really struggled with being a "mom" and still being "myself." I took me sometime to realize that being a mom is who I am, but that isn't the extent of who I am.

Becoming a "mom" didn't change me... I (and God) determined the kind of mom I (already) was.

Welcome to motherhood! 

I can't wait to see you be the mom God crafted you to be!

Thea's Forever Family Day ~ Two Years

I don't even know what to say any more...
Honestly, I can't remember what it was like to not have Thea part of our family.
I know I haven't always been, that hard and beautiful reality is still felt quite keenly.

I am pretty sure I am "just" her mom now.

Just mom is always there. The just mom is consistent and sure of. You can know just mom will wipe your dirty little bum 15 times in one day because you space out your poop to cause the most possible mess... because we know mom will keep cleaning it up, and just in case we forgot she was just our mom, we now know she is. A just mom is expected to sing to you every night and do your hair up pretty and take you to go see it in the mirror. She always does those things.

Dad too. We know he is going to give us whiskery kisses. We know we can say good bye and he will be back for lunch in no time. We know he isn't a push over and we listen to him a tad better than to mom. We know he is fun and exciting and a little cooler than mom... because, well, he makes everything good. We know that he is dad and dads don't leave.

A just mom is mistreated and loved all in the same day. 
A dad is a dad who is there even when he isn't.

Recently, we all watched the old Disney Peter Pan. I reminded two of my big kids to try and not suck their thumbs ("because that is only for bedtime"). Thea listened and tried to not suck her thumb too. A few moments later her satiny smooth cool hand was on my cheek. Softly, smoothly patting. I felt loved by her intentionally. It was good.

Then speaking, "Mom. Cora suck her fumb!"

I realized her soft touch of "love" was only to be informant on her big sister. Taddles.
Oh well.

While the song "Mother" crooned on the TV I did dishes and Thea was held by her big sister, but when I sat down she scrambled into my lap. 

Her be-puffed hair with curls the size of a pen spring, blocked my view and got stuck in my eyelashes. It is annoyingly sweet. A trivial peeve. Puffs pushed down, brushed aside, back in my eyes again with out delay. 

Baby the Lamb and Blanky joined us. Sleepy breathing.

When I put her to bed we played "Kiss... Hug... Kiss... Hug..."
She starts the simple game. It gives me joy.

She asks in a request, "Hey mom. What a yittle girls made of?" and I dutifully sing a croaky and substandard rendition and don't skip the special personalized verse... Even if I could. I know that one unknown day she will ask the very last time of me, "What are little girls made of?" So I sing for her...

"Go to sleepy bi-low Thea.

Go to nighty-night now Thea.

Mama loves you.

And Daddy does too!

You're our little sugar Bee-ya!"

(I know, I am a rhyming genius of the likes of Shakespeare and master soother of all things infantile.)

I know I am just her mom now... and I am so thankful to be just that. 

All the really real moms are overlooked. 

We are two years home.
We are together.
I can't say much more than that.

Keeping Baby Busy ...

Activity #1: Packing For A "Trip"

Age range: 2-4 years

To keep Thea busy, happy and out of mama's hair today she is packing for a trip (not really, just play). I got out a small child's rolling suitcase, some toys, hair stuff, a jacket, her lovie, and some books. I encouraged her to "pack" it all up for a trip and to zip it. Then she walked around pulling it behind her, sat down, unzipped, took it all out, sat in the suitcase, put on her jacket, brushed her bunny's ears, put it all back in, zipped it up and told me she was going to "da mooseeum." This joyfully kept her busy for 45 minutes!!! 

Some of the skills this activity works on...

Fine motor

Gross motor

Organization skills

Creative/imaginative play

The concepts of full or empty, pull and push, open and closed

How to work a zipper

How to put on/take off a jacket

How to plan for what you will need in leaving home.

Our "preschool" (at least prior to Pre-K) consists of activities found in this great book! Slow and Steady Get Me Ready contains weekly activities from the first week after birth (if you aren't worry about teaching your baby how to nurse or sleep...) through age 5. It is all the basic skills your child should need to be ready to start formal schooling. It works on everything from trunk control, fine motor to rhyming and observation skills! More than that, I have found it invaluable at helping me fill some of Thea's "holes" in what she lost her first year of life. It is also a wonderful resource for us to do attachment related activities that are fun and enjoyable for us both to do!

Laughing at Camp!

We have teenage boys at camp this week.

Today while Eli was unloading the dishwasher I over heard him beat boxing.

It was actually quite good for a 6 year old.

I love our life!

Eli walked into one of our staff meetings... people lined couches and floors. He walked by Shannon, a counselor, and accidentally kicked over her water. He looked at his mistake and then back at Shannon and immediately went and hugged her neck. "Aw's" went around the whole group. It was cute. Then later I asked him why he had hugged Shannon, he said, "'Cause I felt bad I spilled her water and I thought, 'she needs a hug now.'"

Cora was sitting on one of our female staff members laps on 4th of July waiting for the show to start.

The single staff member commented that she wanted fireworks at her future wedding.

Cora gasped and asked when her wedding would be. The staff member laughed and told her she didn't have a man yet.

Cora thought about this apparent problem and said, "You could wait and let the campers (teen boys) grow up and then marry one of them..." We laughed at this notion and and she said, "What? At least they aren't your brothers!"

A few days ago I heard Thea stir from her nap slumber. She started jabbering and then I heard her belt out, clear as a bell, "AIN'T NOBODY -- WAIT-- (clap, clap) -- LOVE ME LIKE JESUS!" 

A few days ago Addie tried some camp food and exclaimed, "SWEET PUMPKIN PIE... THAT IS GOOD!"  (It wasn't pumpkin pie.)

Last night Allan found two straws (he is Mr. Resourceful) and decided that he and his brother should play Capture the Flag with the straws being the flags, so they started playing. A few of our teenage boy campers watched on because they didn't feel like playing basketball with the group. They watched with amusement. Soon Allan had them roped into playing. Then he was very animatedly taking these big 6 foot boys to "jail". They were having such fun together and it was all Allan's doing!

Re-Thinking Socialization

Questioning Socialization
Addie is now the age of our youngest campers. 

We are letting her be more independent at camp and participate in some activities. 

This week Addie joined in a "skills class" at camp... Drama.
(Like we need any more of that, haha). 

This week I watched on as Addie asked a 9 year old camper "Will you play with me at rec time?"

A few decades ago that would be a totally normal conversation for an 8 and 9 year old to have. Sadly, it seems it isn't any more.

The camper looked at Addie and gave her a face that communicated, "I don't play any more..."

She turned and started talking to another girl and avoided answering Addie.

Addie easily went back to work on her craft and seemed content being ignored. 

It was awkward... mainly for me. 

I felt shame and rejection on her behalf. 

As I viewed this exchange I started to doubt my resolve in how we've under-emphasised "socialization"... and that "Maybe we were dropping the ball with the socialization thing???"

Realistic Socialization 
This is the big topic about schooling at home. Come on... Admit it...
Homeschooler, or not, every one's first and sometimes only concern about homeschool is the apparent social, anti-social, non-social aspect of it.

I will even admit it, homeschooled kids do seem "different."

This isn't really a "how to" kind of post. How one family chooses to "socialize" their children is a personal, life style, kind of matter. We live at a place where for 3 months out of the year our children daily socialize with kids from the inner-city, foster care, broken homes, refugees and of different ethnic groups. Additionally, our college-aged staff members are some of their favorite playmates... then for 9 months we are "on our own". We also live in a sort of isolating place (when camp isn't in session), so what we do/need naturally would look very different in comparison to other people.

Our kids have done social things like soccer, church events, MOPS and we continue to do "play dates" with homeschooled, traditional schooled and adoption community friends. This summer our 3 oldest are doing what I consider to be their first big, alone, social activity... a sports camp! So, it isn't like we are complete hermits, even if it isn't a big emphasis of mine.

I love that homeschool allows our children a more realistic social atmosphere. They have friends of all ages and find common bonds with them around connective thing or similar interests. It is more similar to adulthood relationships.

Our 14 homeschooled children, from 3 families, ranging from 3 months
to 14 years playing happily TOGETHER at our  "school's" social outing!

The biggest reason we school at home is not to avoid things we don't want our kids being taught... but to ensure they learn what we want them TO be taught.

The same is true for socialization.

I am sure my kids could learn a lot from being socialized and educated in a traditional school, but I am way more concerned with what they naturally WON'T learn at a school.

Grace.
Forgiveness.
Forbearance.
Humility.
Perspective.
Servanthood.
Thankfulness.
Gentleness.

Having taught in all (public, private and homeschool) arenas I am convinced that really only one forum  has the potential to naturally teach a child social and spiritual qualities like the above.

It is the family.

Now, a family can definitely teach a traditionally schooled child these qualities, too!
However, the family does it in opposition to whatever may be taught/allowed in the daily social atmosphere in schools and classrooms... most notably the common social framework of self-preservation and self-centeredness.

Not all socialization is good (or realistic) social knowledge.



Re-Thinking Socialization
One time, during my pre-homeschooling days, this topic came up in a group of moms. One mom asked a homeschooling mom, "Don't you worry that your children won't learn how to deal with difficult people or bullies if they aren't in school?"

The other mom graciously said, "Yeah, I guess it might be a concern, but quite honestly, I have never in my life dealt with the meanness and cruelty that I dealt with my first 12 years of education. In my experience, people don't treat each other like that in the real world, at least I never have dealt with in since then. Plus, I am pretty sure my children can learn how to deal with difficult people in our own family. Their siblings give them plenty of opportunities to do that."

Just think about it. In a given classroom there are the children who are desperately trying to preserve themselves socially and those who are promoting the social climate to be around themselves. This natural system drives the social network in most homogeneous environments. Most often "social success" for children is considered to be the ability to fit in.

Honestly, I want a whole lot more for my kids.

I am working on not caring if my kids "fit in" to social norms.
I don't want to care if they look/act like other kids their age.
I just want them to know God and themselves well.

Addie, 8 playing Itsy Bitsy Spider with Thea, 2.

One of our independent homeschool group friends is an 11 year old girl. She is intensely loved by others, mainly because she has a sweet disposition that is always willing to "play" with little kids and to make them feel happy and loved. However, she is also able to relate in a more mature way with bigger kids. She can be herself because she isn't worried about preserving herself socially.

I wonder if the "socialization" in traditional schools tends to rob some kids of self-knowledge through the compromises that self-preservation requires.


Perhaps, that is why some homeschooled kids seem "different."

They are different.

They are themselves.

The Abolition of Diapers!!!

For most of the last 8 years at least one of my children as been in diapers. The only time I spent with NO diapers was from June 2011 to November 2011. It was a golden glorious 6 months for me!

Potty training is life is changing... and the diapers don't have to be changed!!!

There is a funny phenominom I have noticed in my life... I can't remember how I parented my previous children through things like Potty Training or even just "dealing" with toddlerhood woes.
I think I shut it all out. But, really I cannot for the life of me remember how I really potty trained the others. I vaguely remember Elias better because he was older and essentially potty trained himself start to finish in about a day... but that doesn't count. I know Addie was trained about a week after her 2nd birthday and it was very typical. Sadly... shamefully... I can't remember anything about training Cora. Nothing.

Before I lapse into guilt induced despondency, lets move on!

I need to potty train Thea this summer. Joy of all joys! She is 2 years and 5 months old and is showing signs of readiness... mainly telling me she has pooped and staying dry a lot during naps, at night and during the day! So... in an attempt to revive my memories of how to get this thing done, I blog about it!

What I do know about is reality. Is it possible to potty train a child/toddler in 3 days or less? 

Yes and no. 

Yes, you can teach them about the basics in 3 days.

No, it may not be possible to have a "fully potty trained" child after that amount of time. 

There will still be "work" do to and things to deal with. But that is life.

A whole lot of their success depends upon what you do in those first 3 days... and that you continue your standards with consistancy there after. Either way, try it, and if the 3 days turns into 5, I'd still call that very successful. If it doesn't work in that amount of time, I'd call it good and take them back to diapers and try it again in a few months. There is no shame in that!

:::::: Plan of Action ::::::

1. Take away all diapers... we don't half-ass it! (I never use that word... but it seems so appropriate here.) Once we do potty training we do it all the way. Bye-bye disposables, wipes, diaper pails and stinky trash!!! Yay!!! 

2. I have to put the trainee in a toddler bed... this is the part I am most scared about! She needs to get out of the crib so that she can get up at night and use the potty. To get her out of the crib I need to make sure her room is double child-proofed and that she can't get into anything I don't want her to get into. I will also put a little potty in her room on a towel and work on her "staying in bed." SOOO much more work... but then again, less work in the long run!

3. Get the supplies:

- 1 potty (we already have one), 1 for her room and 1 for the nearest bathroom.

- Lots of dresses or too big shorts for boys (you want "easy access")... we don't use pants for at least weeks with new potty trainers, but when you do make sure that they are big and can go up and down easily.

- "Waterproof" shoes ... like Crocs. Anything with fabric will trap that urine and begin to stink! Crocs are wonderful because you can rinse them and they dry fast.

- Lots of pull up style training pants and a handful of cloth diapers for night time. If you get the padded pants at W@lmart size up so they go up and down easily.

- A waterproof mattress pad.

- A piddle pad for the car seat (trust me, you want this).

- Rewards: candy, food, small toys (think party section of your local "super store").

4. Prepare Them - A week prior to starting training I start bringing the trainee toddler into the bathroom with me or same-gender siblings to watch them use the potty. When they poop in a diaper, I take them and the diaper into the bathroom and dump the poop in the potty and let them flush it down. It helps them associate the toilet with where potty and poop go. We talk about that "babies wear diapers and big kids wear underwear/panties." If your child is pre-verbal teach them the sign for "potty" (which is a fist with thumb between forefinger and second finger shaking back and forth). Start using the terms you desire to describe both functions...

Urine = potty, su-su, pee, te-te, pee-pee, 

Feces = poop, ca-ca, poo, potty fish, bimbi (my cousin called it "bimbi"... that aways made me laugh).

(Pick carefully, because this word will be shouted at you repeatedly for years to come!)

We typically say "potty" and "poop"... sometimes we say "su-su" because that is the Ugandan term for "potty" and I find it kind of cute and endearing. Even through I used the word a-s-s... I really can't stand to hear a child say "pee"... but that is totally me. 

5. Teach Them - On Potty Training Day remove the diapers or make a big show of putting them in a box for "other babies who need them" and then wrap up the training pants and let the trainee unwrap them. Make a big deal about how cool and amazing it is. Show them the potty(ies). Use a loved stuffed animal or doll to model how to go potty, how to wipe, how to wash hands and to get a treat. I advise NEVER letting your trainee dump their own potty in the toilet (from the small potty chair) this will not go well. Teach boys to sit down, because if they potty and end up pooping it is all right over the potty. We don't stand up until we are capable of keeping it clean... which I find for most boys is at about age 4 or 5.

6. Day 1 Goals - Help them associate the feeling of needing to go potty or poop with the need to put it into the potty chair. Drink water and juice and get it into the potty. Stay home the whole day and in access to the potty. If you go outside, bring the potty chair outside. Don't scold or disapprove if they "miss" or have an accident. Just show them (let them) clean up the mess and move on with an "Ooopsy! Potty goes in the POTTY chair!" If any day of your life you need to model Mary Poppins this is the day. Think, "A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down..." Reward successes with a small reward (M&M, cracker, sticker, little toy). Keep their bottoms bare the whole day... don't worry about pants or undies just yet. Have them in a T-shirt and nothing else. Don't let them slip on the "pee"!!! Haha... they will... trust me. And sometimes it is the magic event that causes them to realize how gross there own bodily functions are and that that stuff needs to be contained... but still, don't let them slip. 

7. Day 2-7 Goals - Continue what you started! Really, if things were going well, keep that up. Stay home, keep reinforcing that potty goes in the potty chair... encourage poop similarly. Keep walking through the steps over and over. If they seem to be making it to the potty more often than not introduce the training pants. Show them how to pull it up and down by hooking their thumbs in the waist band and pulling down. To pull up have them grab the back of the pants and pull up, if they get the back up their front naturally comes up, but the same is not true of grabbing the front. Some kids will start wetting in the pants because it feels like a diaper, discourage that and take a way the pants again with a sad face, "Bummer, undies are for big kids, big kids keep their pants dry and clean... not wet and dirty... We'll try later."

8. Day 3-10 Goals - If introducing the training pants worked keep it up. If you feel like they are ready for something more try adding some complexities. First show them how to go potty on a large standard toilet... hold them or use a seat like you'd have to at a public place. Tell them that no matter where you are they must tell you they have to go, and you'll try to get them a potty because being wet and having an accident is "yucky". Then, once they have gotten it... go out. Go to someplace you go often, tell them that you have a potty in most places you go. Go to your church or a park (with a bathroom) and show them the potty there. Practice using it.

9. Introduce Night Time Potty - Once they have gotten all of the above introduce what to do at night. You can also start this on Day 1 too, it just depends on how much time and attention you have to put into it all and if you want your nights interrupted. Put a potty in their room on a plastic pad or towel (if you have hard floors in the room like we do). Tell them this potty is only for at night or naps. Tell them not to touch it/pick it up, play in it or try to dump it. This helps them to learn to be independent and to make it a habit to get up in the night, it also eliminates the fears of going to the bathroom at night. Also, limit water after a set hour in the evenings and get them up out of bed to go potty right before you retire for the night. OR... just call "day time" training good and keep them in diapers/pull ups until you feel they are ready to stay dry at night.

10. Further Goals and Considerations - 

- Always show them where the potty is in anyplace you go that they are unfamiliar with... they will honestly assume that there is NO potty, if they haven't seen it.

- Remind them to remind you if they have to go.

- Always go potty before getting in the car or leaving some place. 

- Make a little pack of a change of clothes, undies (several pairs) and of shoes (because where does potty go... down). 

- Consider making a "car toilet": have a small potty chair in your trunk, line the potty with a grocery bag, and a diaper cut in half. When the child potties or poops the urine is soaked up by the diaper and you can easily throw it away. Include some TP in the "kit" and keep a bag full of the pre-prepped bags/diapers during road trips and soccer season. 

:::: Potty Products I Use & Recommend ::::

Training Pants - Non Waterproof (Daily wear)

Cheap Gerber Cotton Training Undies - These Rock! Get at least 3 packages of them.

Imse Vimse Trainers - These offer a bit more thickness and bulk and contain messes much more than Gerber Trainers, but they are much more expensive.

Training Pants - Partial Waterproof

Eco Posh Trainers - These semi-waterproof trainers contain a layer of water proof (PUL) material in the croch to catch accidents, but they may leak around the leg bands. 

Training Pants - Fully Waterproof (good for night, naps or outings and all purpose)

Flip Trainers - Great overall training pant! They come with the shell and 3 washable inserts... in theory you could just keep some clean inserts in your purse and a baggy for wet ones! They can be good night time trainers too and allow you to double the inserts for more wet protection. 

They are genius and super cute!

Potty Chairs

Don't be tempted by a chair with "bells and whistles"... it hold poop and pee! The simpler the better. Anything complex will get gross stuff trapped in places and it will be hard to clean. One continuous piece of plastic will eliminate urine getting in cracks and seams... don't be tempted by anything else!!!

Look for something like these...

Potty Seats

Cheap and simple does it! I like to get my kids on one of these as soon as they are capable of using a stool and getting up there safely. 

Who was the non-parent who thought this was "cute"? "Now lets have Johnny look through the potty seat... yep, put it right up on your head! That will be adorable!" Oh my... that is not something you want to encourage.  Bad marketing!

Car Seat Pads

You will use this and be glad you did, because who has time to take a car seat cover off and wash it??? Not me. 

Plus, it usually doesn't stop there... it soaks into the foam and down in the cracks... so gross!

Happy Potty Training!!!

Wish me luck!

Its my 4th time... but like I said, it isn't always any easier.