Tuesday, August 2, 2011

8 Months

It is natural for me to relate this whole process of bringing our 2 kids home to pregnancy. I just can't help it. I've spent 27 months of the last 6 years pregnant... and with Addie being 2 weeks over due and Cora nine days that bumps me up to being pregnant nearly 28 months! Wowza. Never looked at it like that before!

But I was thinking yesterday that I feel like I am about 8 months pregnant (which is appropriate since it was 8 months ago that we heard about Kizito)... 8 months stinks! You are SO close... but yet so far away. I really don't appreciate those "tickers" that say...
You have 62 days until your due date... that is NOT encouraging!

Sigh. 8 months.

So here I am, 8 months along, I feel large ... with emotion.
I miss these little people, I think about them, I dream what it will be like when they are here, in my arms... I am exactly like that when I am pregnant.
I am sensitive to people's remarks. I have stopped telling people about them, because I don't want to hear things I don't like or explain anything or deal with ignorance. Not so different from avoiding public places with a globular belly... just to avoid those "When are you due-looks like just about any day now!" or "Are you expecting twins?" type of comments. Did I tell you one time when I was expecting a lady asked me if my midwife would/could give me as c-section... at home? Oh my. All I will say is we get the same sort of questions now... and I am not good at answering them in an honest and helpful manner. I just want to get my babies home.

About month 8 and a half (because really month 8 feels like 2 months) I start to feel the compulsive desire to get bedrooms set up, clothes bought and washed, blankets made, stuffed animal lovies found, baby toys out and ever inch of my home scrubbed, sanitized and decluttered. Seriously I am a mad woman!
I am
almost... just about there. I think I keep holding myself back for fear that we don't have a months or 2 to wait... but longer. But I want to set up the crib, wash the bedding, get out the baby toys, cloth diapers and put up the little name plaques I have for each child. I need to buy another big boy toothbrush and get a few dozen other things. Nesting... it is one of God's finer ideas.

Going over due. It is what I do.
With Elias who was born ON his due date I was in shock because each other has me seeing the due date come and counting weeks after. My bigger fear is that we will go months "over due" with these 2. As there really isn't a "due date" in adoption. But there still is expectations. I am getting to that place where I am starting to dread people asking the over due questions... they are not fun to answer when you are 9 months along or have waited 9 months in adoption.

I feel like I am pregnant with a 4 year old and a 6 month old! Just think of that! Ha.

Sweetness. Motherhood. Babies.
Even though I am pregnant with a 4 year old and 6 month old I am buying sweet 5T "coming home outfits", sock monkey stuffed animals and 6T undies... and it is just as sweet as if I was buying miniature clothes, onsies and fuzzy feeted PJs! I am so excited and expectant about this sweet boy! For his sister I just bought hair care supplies, head bands and am sorting through all our baby girl clothes! I just bought fabric to make her a quilt!
I am always overwhelmed with the desire to "see who they are." That is my (and probably every other expectant mom on the planet's) most keen feeling. I have been blessed with the amazing gift of having met them both, but I feel like that was a huge, surreal ultrasound. It was just enough to let me know we'd all be good for each other... but by NO means do I know my new babies. I don't know what their cries mean, or feel confident caring for them or know what food they like or how they like to be put to bed. For that I will have to wait and see.

I always try not to worry about bring my babies home and to just be fully prepared, physically, emotionally and as a family. I think this is the same. It might take 2 weeks (ideal) or it might take more... but either way they will come home... if they are suppose to. And just like with birth, there are NO certainties. That is life. So we will be prepared, ready to do the work ahead of us and ready to go where God takes us, when He decides. I feel like with pregnancy I have to get to this place of surrender, release and just wait on the Lord... exactly the same right now.

There is always this very sweet sweet time about month 9 where we as a family just have as much fun, as much time out and as much time together (as a family of 2, 3, 4... or 5) before we have the new arrival join us. It isn't like we aren't looking forward to them coming, that we need to "live it up" now... no. It is just a sweet time to savor "now" and "us" in it's fullness. And prepare ourselves for the "newborn stage" and its challenges. We aren't there yet, but I bet we will be in coming weeks. We need to rest up, savor time, distract ourselves and not get to worked up and be fresh for the new arrivals.

Frozen Food. Schedules. Plans.
I am a practical person. If you want to say "I love you Marce" you will serve me, get me something useful or take me out to a good meal (or coffee/tea). So I am really into getting prepared, being one step ahead, and getting all the things I need (to survive and thrive) in order before hand. With pregnancy I was the type to make "birth plans", line up meal deliveries and formulate a bomb proof schedule. I've been a bit stressed out about how to do school at home (well) and get these 2 babies home... because the labor isn't going to be 16 hours... nope... more like 2 weeks. So how do I prepare myself and my family for that, do school, and also get the job done? Not sure. I think that this is one time I have finally figured that I can't make it all work perfectly. I learned a big lesson when I traveled to meet our kids... I had a perfect plan, but God had a BIGGER one and it was only when I let go and just went with it that things worked.
But I wouldn't mind getting some meals in the freezer either...

With each one of my babies I have had expectations. With Addie I was totally unrealistic (what 1st time mom isn't?) She was fussy, didn't sleep and was "not what I expected." Elias was the opposite of his sister... I didn't expect that either. And Cora, well I just hoped for the best. Tim and I were talking about what we are expecting and realized we really have NO expectations. We think this will be hard, take a long time and be a daily commitment to love with out return on it. But really, we don't need easy, short or love in return. This is about obeying, it always has been. I think my biggest expectations are for myself... that I will be flexible, be patient and hopeful (all things that are mildly challenging for me... except the hopeful part.)

What this all boils down to is that we all are 8 months along in bringing these new ones home... we can't wait... we are stoked... we are anxious... we are expectant... and things are "moving along".

I know we have a longer wait in front of us, but also that it could "go" at any moment.
Expectancy is a good thing. Expectancy in God is the sweetest!
I am glad we are here at 8 months.

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