Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Out of Our Hands


Today we got up, went out for breakfast and mailed this...

THE FILE.

On our drive into town we all prayed over the file, for its safety, for God to get it there quickly, and that it would be absolutely as it needs to be when it arrives. That there would be no mistakes or shortcomings in it.

We prayed for our kiddos, and that God would use those papers to get them home as quickly as possible. That all those papers would serve to do their purpose, providing 2 children with a mom and a dad and 2 sisters and a brother.



While at the shipping company I started to choke up. When the clerk said, "How much is the estimated value of these documents?" I stared in shock... in my mind I thought. "Well, NOTHING. It is worth absolutely nothing... but then again, it is priceless! It holds the hopes of at least 9 people, it will determine 2 people's futures, and it took countless hours of time to compile! Treat it like it was made of gold!" I was tempted to tell her... "1 million dollars!" But thought that might be going a bit over board.

I started to tear up.
It was awkward.
I lied and told her it's "estamated value was ... glup... nothing."

My husband packaged it up. He double wrapped it in 2 envelopes an slipped it in the box.
We walked out, high fived and I took a deep breath.

It is out of our hands.

That knowledge is sort of freeing and sort of burdening all at the same time (as in feeling burdened to worry more).
But, we remember, it never was in our hands. That has been abundantly clear all along.
Sure we have researched, signed check after check, answered countless questions, filled in blanks, were finger printed twice, weighed and pondered, and even walked away. But I still don't think any of it was really all up to us... at all.

It isn't an accident we found out about Solomon and learned so much about his birthland and fell in love with it too. It wasn't a "bad call" that he wasn't matched with us to be our son. In fact it was very providential we got to be matched with 2 others. It isn't a mistake we were reffered 2 little boys, got a home study for both and then "lost" one to only be introduced to a girl a few hours later. It wasn't a mistake I was there on April 7th to meet her.

Nothing has been in our hands or of our abilities or of our worthiness. It has happened for a reason, for a time such as this, for the good of us and others to see the greater Glory of the Lord!

So, now we wait and see.
Wait to see what will happen.

Still.
Peace and Presence.



"May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us;
establish the work of our hands for us -
yes, establish the work of our hands."
Psalm 90:17



3 comments:

Shannon said...

WAHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What a wonderful thing!!! You are getting so very close now! I'll be praying for a speedy court date in September - both on the same day!! Can't wait to see your sweeties in your arms, and meet them in person!!!!! Please call if you need anything. Even if you just need a hug after walking through the baby aisle and starting to cry... What an exciting time!

Julianna said...

Wow! I cried reading this. I am praying with you.

Jennifer said...

I read this post (and others) of your through tears! I can't tell you how grateful I am to have come across your blog. We live in Steamboat, and are starting our adoption journey. Thank you thank you thank you for sharing your experiences! It really helps keep everything in perspective.