I can't quite put my finger on it, as emotions go. It is sort of similar to the thankfulness I felt at being blessed by God in being pregnant... but not quite. This is more of a humble feeling.
I feel so humble to be allowed, by Uganda, to be considered as a parent for one of their children.
They don't have to allow it legally, most nations don't. It is not a right... it is a privilege.
They don't have to allow us to participate in their society, to enjoy and learn about their culture and to gain so much through this process. They give us more than we can ever repay!
I feel so humbled to be allowed to have one child that has remaining (or known) family that we can continue a relationship, learn about his babyhood and family history.
I am daily humbled by the goodness of God in this. I never knew how much this would mean to me... much less my son. It humbles me to tears how loving, gracious and joyful they have been to us in this process.
I feel so grateful to be given a new jaja (grandma) and ssenga (aunt) to share life with. You can never have too many grandma's and aunts. Little did we know when we agreed to have Kizito as our son, we'd be blessed to have a grandma and an aunt too.
I feel blessed to have been able to meet our daughter's birthmother, to hear her heart, story and reasoning. I feel privileged to have struggled through the ethics of stepping forward for her, and thankful that her mother wasn't forced to leave her on a street or next to a toilet in order for her to be placed for adoption. I feel grateful that she has peace of mind as she moves on in life and starts over knowing where her girl will be and who she will be with.
I feel blessed to have seen and heard and know so much of our children's histories. We know their birth dates, places, their 1st parents names, tribes, and stories! It is a treasure worth more than can be expressed!
I feel so grateful to God for hand picking these two children... out of a world full of children needing parents. Out of around 160,000,000 we were matched with 2 specific and amazing children. How astounding and wonderful is that?
I feel so humbled that in the process to find our two, we learned about Solomon, Emmanuel and Ezra... the 3 special boys with families that will do their very best to bring them up. And we get the privilege of praying for these boys through our lives. I feel blessed to have learned hard and good things through each of them and to see how God guided us to our son and daughter through them!
I feel privileged to be entering a time when we will be stared at, spoken to with ignorance and be put on a pedistle we don't deserve to be put on. This, out of all the aspects of adoption, scares me the most. I don't like any of it. But I know it will some how make me a better person, help me not ignore and overlook things I should address with ALL my children.
I feel thankful that God gave me the opportunity to parent another daughter... that He knows I can do her hair, that we can get one more use out of our girl clothes and that I can mother her heart with His help.
I feel privileged that our "in country" time is longer, less defined and up to the descretion of God. Who knows what we'll do, where we'll be lead and what we will learn?
I feel privileged that my children at home will gain a deeper understanding of love, race, culture, sharing, brotherhood/sisterhood, sacrifice, poverty, giving, and family. It is their privilege to participate in this along side their brother and sister who are in Uganda.
I feel honored to finish what others have started. To continue raising these children their parents, grandparents, aunts, cousins and baby home workers have put so much love into. It is too humbling.
I feel privileged to know God better through this journey.
I feel humbled to see God work in big and wonderful ways.
I feel privileged to be wife to one and maama wa abangi (mama to many).
I feel privileged to be here and now and over there, all at the same time.
I feel grateful that it is not anything of my power or skills or expertise, but of God alone!