Two years ago you came into this world!
There is a story there, one I have bits and pieces of. All babies get here through labors and tryings and struggles. I am sure there was giving up of hope, some anguish and dispare, but then eventual sweet deliverance. I know there was an almighty Hand of grace and provision over your somewhat amazing entrance to the world. You came into this very scary world and lived. You amaze me!
It is day's like today when all I feel is fight from you that I remember that little fact about you... you have fought fights I will never know.
Tonight when I laid you down for bed I asked you gently, "What is your problem today, huh? Why are you having such a hard time?" Then I am transported to what I think that day might have been like and I remember a baby with amazingly soft hair and rosebud lips was fighting to be born, fighting to live and fighting to not be left on her own. Oh what a trivial life I live, sweet one!
Sometimes I ache to just have been a fly on the wall of the room you came into being in.
I have this one almost sacred photo of the day you were born. It is beyond special to me. It conveys feelings and thoughts that are real and raw. Everyone looking someplace other that at you, the star of the day. Most birth photos don't look like this and I know that it wasn't any one's fault, they just didn't know what to do with a situation that was as cloudy as the photo.
Your birth was planned very specifically to grant you life! Simply amazing! You also had so many things take place to bring you to our family. Sometimes it boggles my mind. Sometimes it makes me mad. Sometimes I don't understand why others wouldn't have cared for you like they should have. It still amazes me because those events were something utterly out of my control and brought into action through visibly unalterable events by the One who did have a plan for you.
Even when we met, I wasn't sure about you. This is a fact that I have only uttered to a few people. When I met you I thought... "God? What am I suppose to do here?" and His fairly clear prompting was, "Marci, do the next thing and do it rightly." We did that, and it brought you home eventually. His plan has been perfectly wrought in the annals of time! His will could not be thwarted, over and over again this proved true. I am thankful I had the where-with-all to listen and obey.
Today I held you and your fought me.
Then you'd kiss me.
Then you'd fight me.
Then you'd say "Hey Mom??? Sorry..."
Then you'd fight me.
Then you'd lay your head on my chest and seep in.
This isn't normal, but it was today. It is ok Thea. You don't have to be sorry, never never, for struggling. You are a survivor, but you don't have to fight anymore. You are home.
Know that your birth was a joyous event! It made me a mom for the fifth time! You joined our family that day. Your birth mom became mother that day! She learned to love in real ways. You have made me a far better person. You have brought joy to grandparents, brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, cousins and friends. On the day of your birth I know God was unfolding a plan for you... all the way to the end, for His glory and for your benefit. I am excited, baby girl, to see where it goes!
You were named Thea Agnes Katsiime because we know God is Holy and in that we Give Thanks!
I know this is sort of a serious birthday letter, but you are two and won't read it for a long time.
I hope it brings you perspective... because perspective is priceless.
Happy 2nd Birthday my sweet baby!