Sunday, March 20, 2011

How You Know You've Become a Mom Again

Ok so I am going out on a limb here and going to be real honest... bear with me.

Recently I noticed something.

As you can imagine I am a bit eager to show off photos of our newest sons... I am unashamedly proud of how cute all my kids are... not that that is what is important to me... truly it isn't. But still, I am a mama and I think ALL my kids are THE cutest, most beautiful and handsome children that God blessed the earth with. And like I said, I am not really ashamed that I think they are THE cutest. I get a bit offended (totally internally, mind you) with people comment about one of my children's more pronounced ears... they are adorable and my child is about the sweetest kid there is! That's just sort of a prerequisite of being a mom, I think.

Any way, I've enjoyed showing the new ones off occasionally (every chance really).
Because they ARE beautiful boys!

Well, there has been a few occasions that the person I've shown them too just looks at their photo and hands it back or passes it to someone else never saying a word.

And you know what... in my heart of hearts I have gotten just a tad mad or miffed about it. :-/

Yep. I thought, "What? You don't think they are cute? They are at least worthy of an 'How cute.' or 'What a nice boy.'"

Now I know you are thinking "Sheesh Marce... maybe they were thinking other thoughts or something." Yes you are 100 and 10% right. And it wasn't like I stayed upset, even for a moment, it was just this passing thought... like "What? They aren't cute to you?"

That was just the first inclination of my heart... just like I would have been for all my kids that came before. That response would have offended me for them too.

My point? Becoming a mom to each of my children has been a gradual process, not one the same... those feeling of love, affection and being "mama bear" have all come at different times and in different ways for each child. With Addie, to be honest it was about 8 weeks in (and I don't think it was anything real post-partum related). I was just being sinful... yep. She was a fussy girl and didn't sleep, but really that isn't the point. I loved her, cared for her, but didn't feel so lovey dovey until a particular moment with her when I realized that motherhood wasn't about me and my wants or desires... it was about loving selflessly, consistently and joyfully.

Yep this photo says it all...
"Didn't remember signing up for this..."
But it all worked out wonderfully...
once God changed my sinful rotten selfish heart!

Haha... I am seriously laughing at myself right now!
I am SO glad I have that snap-shot.
A good reminder of where I have come from and how God has helped me through difficult things.
And it is just plain funny... now!

To go on, with Elias, it was his first night home when he fell asleep on my shoulder and slept until 6 am, easy peasy. Seriously that was the extent of our process to bond with each other. With Cora I worried for most of my pregnancy how I could handle 3 ... 3 and under. It was by the goodness of God and the moment was when everyone in my house got the stomach flu just a few days after having her and I holed up in my bedroom with her and just sat enjoying her and resting and realizing God had given me what I asked of Him, that He saw my heart and was gracious with me.

I know that these new sons and I will have our own journey towards loving each other like that... it most certainly won't be the same as any other, but it will be good and worth it and probably full of joy and difficulties (just like the others). And I am positive I will look back and think, "What a stupid, pampered woman... aren't you thankful God was there the whole time, why didn't you just trust Him to begin with? He was doing it all the whole time anyway!"

A friend of mine that has adopted several times told me that her hardest adoption transition was with one of her youngest children when they came home via adoption. She said something like this, "(This) child just didn't like me... for about 4 months. (They) wanted nothing to do with me. It was until (they) got a fever and I had to hold (them) for 2 days straight that they warmed up. It was as if (they) realized I wasn't so bad and that I would love and care for (them) no matter what. Things were great after that." She went on to say that she prays for a similar situation to happen early after each of her other adopted children has come home... events that help establish trust and love.

Such wise words!

So, here's to the first step in becoming Kizito and Baby boys mom... being irritated when people don't think they are cute... hey, it is a start.

Haha... I am sure some of you are thinking, "Oh man! I sure hope I said they were cute!" :-{
And I am laughing because for the life of me I don't know who it was that didn't. :-D Seriously... it was just a thing in my heart... something that surprised me about myself.

So PLEASE don't stress the small stuff! That isn't the point of this post.


...they call me mommy... said...

LOL! Love that photo! :) I might have a few like that myself! Good thoughts!

lucashannon said...

That photo is hilarious! And I have to say it was totally refreshing to me. I have felt that way before and I am working on becoming more selfless instead of selfish but as the journey continues it is good to know that other moms that I look up to have felt that way. :) Thanks for sharing!

Sara said...

You are adoption two!!! That is sooo great! We are hoping to go get our two in November.