Recently I have had three dreams in a row that has gotten me thinking a lot on how I value and interact with friends. The three dreams were very vivid and left me troubled when I awoke...not a normal occurance for me. Two dreams were about the death of a different friend and the third was about receiving a home video from a family that we are long distant friends with and how much we didn't know them any more, how much they have changed. I woke up sad and bothered from all of them!
In thinking them over it is easy to see that this is more than some "silly dreams" and that I must be having them because I am either bothered by the lack of intimacy in my friendships or that I need to reevaluate what kind of friend I am to others. Today I got to thinking that I view relationships with friends in a really selfish manner recently, that I don't really go out of my way for others or to get to know others...if it can be scheduled and neat and tidy that is great, but that I would rather stay in my little circle of comfort if it isn't. I have learned that I have been in the habit of trying to a have a social life, not be a genuine and real friend to others. I have had it wrong lately.
That said, I am still working through what God is teaching me and what changes I need to make in this all. In many ways I feel like my life is centered so closely to The Home right now due to my three little ones. I need to learn a healthy perspective on friendships and being a friend to others while not neglecting the relationships that are most important...my husband and children. Last night my oldest girl said to the baby, "We will have a room together, I will sleep on the top bunk bed. It will be SO fun!" I said to her, "You and Cora will be such good friends." She looked back at me and said, "Mom, can we be friends too?" I smiled an said, "I sure hope we can be some day, but I like being your mom the best!" I am not sure how to balance it all and it feels like it is a big deal to intentionally pursue others right now. That is probably my biggest issue.