My husband and I have always wanted a “bigger” family. In fact, we talked about family size on our first date… both of our answers were three… and if we couldn’t conceive we’d think first about adoption. It was settled!
Not long after we were married that we changed our minds. Three just wouldn’t be enough, and maybe we’d adopt, even if we could conceive… it’s not like it is second best or “not allowed” if you can have biological children… right?
We had a girl, then a boy… most people around us thought, “Well, thank goodness, now they can be done.” We thought… “Seriously, we can’t be done.” But, we thought we’d better wait a few years.
Elias was 9 months old when we found out #3 was on its way. Honestly, I was pretty scared… ashamedly because I didn’t want to deal with people’s negative reactions (and there were several). I also began to listen to and believe random fears. Ones that said, “This will push you over the edge” … “You’ll look like a fool” … “Three under 3 and a half is bound to be way too hard” … “Your 2nd will still be a baby and will be emotionally sacred by not being able to be a baby longer”… “What if your 18 mon old falls in the tub while you are nursing the baby”… and so on. I know, silly, but fears aren’t rational, they are lies.
At about my 3rd month all these fears were pretty overwhelming, and I got so sick of them that I wondered why I hadn’t started to pray about them and hand them over to God? Daily my prayer was this,
“Lord God, You know me and see me, You know what I am capable of. Please hear my prayers and be gracious with me. Give me a baby and child I can handle.”
Daily and many times a day I prayed this prayer for nearly 6 months until our baby arrived. Any time a fear would confront me, I prayed. Anytime I got a negative reaction for my swelling belly and 2 little ones I prayed and cried a bit too.
It was not all with out incident… I was fairly anemic the last 3 months of my pregnancy. I went 9 days over due and oddly my labor was the longest and most difficult of my three.
Our 3rd baby was born 10-9-08… at 6:20 pm. We named her Cora Anne.
After the birth my whole family (including my mom who was to be helping me) all came down with the stomach flu. Thank the Lord neither our baby nor I got sick. Then I had 3 bouts of mastitis while she was a just a newborn… something I hadn’t had before either.
I had really not prayed about those type of things, mainly because I knew I could handle most things if only our baby wasn’t a fusser. Fussy babies aren’t my forte. I am sure that I could have endured had she been colicky or demanding (like our first) but that is what I prayed for… an easy baby.
As the weeks went by I kept expecting her to “hit the fussy phase” but by about 6 weeks I realized that she was just a happy, easy, content baby. She slept good at night and just went along for the ride. In fact, nothing had really changed from having 2 to having 3. She just slipped into our family with out breaking waves.
As I was thinking about this one day I realized a sweet seed of truth… God had heard me. God saw my heart and was gracious with me! At the same time I realized that Cora means “heart” and Anne means “gracious”… Right in her name was what God had done for me… seen my heart and dealt graciously with me!!!
Every day, I thank God for the little girl that reminds me that there are NO accidents and that He sees me and is will give me exactly what I need.
6 comments:
Beautiful!
That was a great story. Thank you.
It is somehow comforting to know that moms that I look up to (like you) have times of struggling as well. But if there is one thing I've learned in the last month it is how often I must turn to God. There is no way to do this on my own and what an amazing thing to see how God provided for your amazing family!
A great revelation! I am glad you "got it" Shannon. Your boy is as sweet as it gets! Hugs
This was such a great story.....it totally encouraged me!!!
Marci- I can relate to your thoughts and prayers. Lexi was a very HARD baby. She didn't sleep, she nursed all night and all day, she had horrible reflux for 8 months, she cried, the only place she slept was in her carseat in either a moving car or in her bouncy seat in the bathroom with a warm shower running. I was exhausted for about...8 years. She still doesn't sleep well.
When we found out that we were expecting Levi, I prayed so hard. "I am a strong person, but Lord, you know I need more sleep. I can't do this again. Please help!" It's true - God does hear and answer our prayers. Aside from his tumor and seizures, which caused many, many sleepless nights, he was a much "easier" baby. He slept. He played. He didn't cry much. It was a blessing and an answer to prayer.
There is nothing too big or too little that we can't turn over to God. He knows our hearts, our hopes, our dreams, our needs (one of which is sleep for me - or I am not a very nice mommy). Thanks for the reminder!
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